Well, where to begin? It’s been a crazy few months since I last wrote. My being sick (and convinced I was going to die alone) turned into a long trial, involving a lot of anxiety, an actual diagnosis for an anxiety disorder (with OCD, my doctor wrote in his notes, also confirming that suspicion) and dysphagia, which is fancy medical talky speaky for “has difficulty swallowing.”
My dysphagia was so severe for a while, that I wasn’t even really getting enough water down and I spent a few days dehydrated and dizzy, wondering what was wrong with me and would I ever be able to eat food again. In a few weeks, I dropped nearly 20 pounds and that was about the best thing I had going for me even though it was done in such an unhealthy manner. Life was bleak, is what I am saying.
I went to an ENT specialist and had a scope jammed up my nose. I don’t recommend anything about the whole enterprise. He couldn’t see anything wrong and so I was scheduled for a barium swallow study and thus had the singular experience of watching myself (via x-ray) chew and swallow things that were coated in barium. That helped to assuage some of my anxiety, which was the real dysphagia-causing culprit all along, but I still went back to my doctor and got a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication that I could take daily.
That very same day, At was let go from his job for reasons so breathtakingly stupid that I am still not sure how to summarize. The best I can come up with is that the owner of the company had no idea just what the hell At did and so decided he must not be doing anything. The upshot of which was that he rather understandably forgot to pick up my prescription on the way home and was awfully wary about breaking the news to me, thinking I might just break down once and for all from the stress of things.
In fact, my reaction might be all the proof that could ever be needed to show how contrary I am on an elemental level. I freaked out for about a minute and then I calmed down. I told At that I thought it was great that he wasn’t working for those jerks and that I had hated them for years. I told him I felt peaceful about this change and that I knew there was something great out there for him. And then I ate real food like a normal person.
I never did start taking that prescription.
Since then, all has been mostly well. I still have bouts of anxiety and the accompanying sense of tightness in my throat. When that happens, if I am with At, we bundle up and take a walk together. If I’m at work, I try reciting the Bene Gesserit’s Litany Against Fear. If that doesn’t work, I call At and we talk about anything and everything that might distract me.
Oh, and less than a week later, At had a new job with a 50% bump in pay. So I guess I was right about there being something amazing out there for him.
I also have a new job, which makes for four different jobs this year for me. That is absolutely ridiculous, even by my standards, but I have to admit to some excitement over this latest position. Not for the work itself (I’ll be an office manager for a dental practice), but for the fact that it’s part time. Even when I’ll be working a full time schedule when the other office manager (my sister, actually) is out on maternity leave, I’ll always be starting my weekend on Thursday afternoon, with Fridays off because the office is always closed on Fridays. Yes and please. Also, thank you.
And that’s real life in somewhat brief detail.
This got longer than I had hoped it would, but rather than go back and actually edit anything down, I’ll just plan on another post for my WoW-based impressions and experiences. And with such a plan in place, maybe I’ll actually take another break from just enjoying playing to write about how much I’m enjoying the playing.
Hope everyone out there, no matter whether today is Thanksgiving for you or not, has as much to be thankful for as I do!