Could I get some fanfare please?
I’d like to announce the winner of the DinoTam Poetry Contest.
Like all long-winded announcers, I want to first take a moment to say thanks to everyone who entered. I loved every entry! Even the ones that weren’t strictly poems. As I mentioned before, I’ll be sharing all of them here, although I may split them up and share over a few days. I wouldn’t want anyone to get blinded by all the DinoTam glory.
Without further ado, the winning poem from Elfindale (omg, more ado! I put all the entries up on my guild website without author names and opened up voting to anyone with a stipulation that one could not vote for oneself. No one voting knew that they were voting for a guild member) :
The Hunter’s Bane
As dinos go, he’s not the norm
He’s small in stature, slight in form
Once a wild and enormous beast
He’s now quite spoiled, to say the least
It all started one day, way back in the crater
He was huge and scary…. an intimidator
When along came a hunter in need of a pet
And she tamed the proud beast with no thought of regret
She named him Tamarind and watched him shrink down
Thinking he’d still be the most fearsome around
But alas, she was wrong and the plan went awry
It seems that good pets are hard to come by
The hunter now has her hands full, it seems
And has to buy lotions and powders and creams
Because her pet, Dino Tam, has dry scaly skin
And demands every day that she exfoliate him
He never attacks when she needs his assistance
But for “surprise buttsecks” he has much persistence
He’s an embarrassment, that one, in his tweed smoking jacket
If he were my pet, I’m not sure I could hack it.
He pampers himself whenever he can
By sunbathing on rocks to improve his tan
He likes mani/pedi’s and calls himself “metro”
Quite strange behavior from a once wild dino
He scares little children by showing his teeth
But he’s such a big baby he can’t get his own meat
The hunter must feed him, between all the skin rubs
And anything less than a steak he just snubs
Now she is stuck with him, English accent and all
Maybe a pet dino wasn’t such a good call?
Although I think she’s lucky to have such a beast
Because he entertains me greatly whenever he tweets.
I think she might be related to Dr. Suess. Anyhow, I won’t need to stalk anyone to give DinoMat to the winner, so that’s nice.
And the runner up! Is a tie!
From Saga of Girls Don’t Play WoW we have this untitled piece:
The silence greets my words,
I wait, but there is no sound but your breathing.
Tears are trickling down my cheek,
I turn around to hide them from your sight.
The silence is tearing at me,
crushing my heart beneath its weight.
Why aren’t you speaking to me?
What did I do wrong?
All I did was say ‘DinoTam’…
He’s moody. It’s not you. It’s him.
And this very modern, uh, code poetry from Analogue of Looking 4 More:
//Recommend using DinoBob, DinoFred, or DinoBarneyThePurple classes instead
public static Dinosaur::DinoTam
bool isHungry = true;
bool isAsleep = false;
//Note: the “edible” check is unreliable. Anyone interfacing with the “DinoTam” class
//is responsible for ensuring that inputs to this method are acceptable
public void doEat(object Prey)
if(Prey == edible)
isHungry = false;
//some sort of bug in this method. Won’t compile without this next line
isHungry = true;
//Intern hasn’t finished this function, contains no “wake” triggers
public string doSleep(Rock Rock)
if(Rock.isSunny == true)
returnvalue = “zzzzz”;
DinoTam.isAsleep = true;
returnvalue = “DinoTam only likes sunny rocks, what what.”
//undocumented bug causes this method to trigger randomly
//probably user error
private void doMoisturize(object lotion)
//users keep complaining about this behavior. Assure them it is their own fault
//and DinoTam code is working as specified
public void responseToAlasOrders(object Orders)
//!!Remember to take this out before public release!!
public void doButtSecks(object victim)
if(victim.DoesNotSuspect && (checkRelativePosition(victim, DinoTam) == true)
private bool CheckRelativePosition(object victim, Dinosaur DinoTam)
if(victim.IsInFrontOf(DinoTam)) return true;
else return false;
I don’t care who you are, that’s hilarious. Well played!
Consider me in your debt, Saga and Analogue, for a guest post at a time of your choosing. I’m just sorry I didn’t have DinoMats to give to everyone.
Will the real Tam please advise to whether or not he is plotting my demise? Many thanks.