Haha, suckers! Bet you thought this was going to be a post about that bloody in-game holiday. Well, it’s not. I finished doing all the holiday crap last Halloween and I refuse to do any of it again on any other character. For one thing, I have six 80′s and so that way lies madness. For another thing, I fucking hate PvP and I won’t be forced into it anymore.

Now, I’m not a big believer in Valentine’s Day, but many women are. It is a pretty good excuse to expect a little romance, a little of your man working to make you feel special. I’m all about romance and could frankly use more of it in my life (/eyes Atarax /clears throat). However, the idea of setting aside three days a year (Valentine’s, birthday, anniversary) for romance is the pinnacle of lameness and/or laziness. I am sure that despite my saying that, there could still be several guys or girls out there expecting something a little special here in the next week or so. And to that end, I give you a handful of ideas on what to do to bring a little romance back into your relationship. (Note: I will be talking mainly to guys because I figure that as a girl, I should have a better idea of what girls want. ) (Also, I am pretty sure a guy wants you naked and willing and that’s about it.)

Think Outside the Box

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to think outside the box, even if you’re going with an old standby. Getting a girl flowers is fine and all, but seriously? You’re going to get her roses? That’s been done to death, especially around this time of year.

Try finding out her favorite flower and getting her that. Or look into the meanings of flowers and try to find something that sends a unique message. She’ll be impressed that you put the thought into it, I promise.

Chocolates are another big item this time of year. Steer clear of those mystery boxes in the garish wrapping in the grocery store’s aisles, guys. Chances are good she doesn’t want a box of chocolates anyway, but if she would go for that, get something nice from an actual chocolatier. Yeah, it’ll cost more but you can get less and then she won’t complain a week later that you’re responsible for making her fat. Win!

Jewelry is the last of the big three items men are encouraged to get this time of year. I say, unless you’re married to her, don’t do it. And then get her something meaningful, not just a diamond encrusted piece of bling. Unless, of course, diamond encrusted baubles are what are meaningful to her. And if that’s the case, why did you hook up with this mercenary creature? Yikes.

Think Further Outside the Box

No really. Women like knowing that you put some thought into them. It makes us feel all warm and squishy inside. It does me, anyhow. Here are some less typical things guys have been known to do but which are still perfectly within the realm of possibility.

Romantic dinner for two. At home, please, gents, not the local watering hole. (Unless, of course, you never leveled cooking and the local joint is a nice, quiet, classy sort of place. Don’t go to a bar or anywhere that features sports on giant screens.) Be sure to set the mood. Even if all you can cook is grilled cheese and canned soup, presentation is key. Light some candles. Spread a picnic blanket in front of the fireplace.  Use the nice dishes and spruce yourself up a bit. If your lady, like me, is the sort of person who can’t stand knowing there’s a mess nearby, make sure to offer to clean the dishes afterwards while she enjoys a bubble bath or just a nice glass of wine and a book.

Take her away. Mu husband once reserved a condo for us for a few nights over a long weekend. He arranged for me to have time off without my knowing about it until he was ready to make the big reveal. Of course, since I was on my probationary period at a new job at the time, he told me over Valentine’s and then we had to wait for about a month for my benefits to kick in, but it was super sweet for him to work everything out without my knowing.

Pamper her. Buy some scented oils and give her a massage by candlelight. It’ll set the mood and she’ll get naked without prompting. You have to be careful with this one though. Don’t make the first move towards turning it into something more. Let her initiate that or she’ll assume that that the massage was a roundabout means to an end. Which, of course it was, but show some subtlety guys!

Campaign Day

If you want to make a big impact, I would suggest having a day or several days where you do all you can to express your affection. Write notes and put them places where she’ll find them throughout the day. Clean the house. Give her a break from cooking or laundry or whatever that one chore is that she hates. Send her to a spa. Take her shopping and don’t sit in the corner and glower over how long it’s taking her to choose between two shirts that look exactly the same to you. In short, be that perfect boyfriend you used to try so hard to be when you were working on your first impression.

Obviously none of these things can be sustained for very long periods of time. There’s life to consider, and the state of your pocketbook. And even the most romantic of gestures would get stale if it became unsurprising.

These are all fairly generic ideas because, hey, each and every lady is different and will want different things. But at the core, I think I can safely say that all women want to know that you put some thought into making them feel special, even if just for a moment or an hour or a day. Even as one of the least girly women I know, even I want to be a princess once in a while.

Now someone fetch me my tiara and tell me that my eyes remind them of the ocean with sunlight reflecting off the cresting waves.