My RL friends list

I’ve never been a wildly social person. My whole life, I have valued a small handful of close friends and shunned making more than an acquaintance of anyone outside that small circle.

Some people think I’m a standoffish sort of bitch for that. Whatever.

I was thinking about friends today because I called my oldest friend, whom we shall call Mrs. Azzah. I don’t recall exactly how old I was when I met her, but it was around my early teens. I thought she was pretty weird at first. She pronounced certain words in odd ways and thought the Delta Center was a place where airplanes were made. I was such a little jerk and figured we wouldn’t be friends. She was too weird.

Math brought us together. Rather, the fact that neither one of us was particularly good at math brought us together in the form of tutoring sessions from an insanely brilliant guy who was a few years older than us and probably was mystified as to how to get either of us to stop talking about the boys long enough to understand the equations that came as naturally as breathing to him. We would sit at my kitchen table and enumerate our crushes’ good qualities to each other and laugh at some of the more unlikely prospects each had entertained.

Then we drifted apart for several years and she came back into my life during an interesting period in her own. It’s not my story to tell and it’s not important. What is important is that we bonded again, this time over things less definable than math. And this time, we stayed close.

Certain things helped that. We both got engaged the same night and showed each other our rings at a mutual friend’s wedding soon after. We both married in early June, her wedding a full year before mine. We both moved to Missouri. And I, at least, depended on her during the years we both lived there, though she was 100 miles away.

Her husband is the reason I started playing WoW. And we all get along famously, no matter what we’re doing. It’s a great friendship.

It’s been affected by distance a little. She moved away from Missouri several months before I did and I haven’t seen her for about a year now. But I called her today to plot for Operation New Years! and we picked up as though we had never left off.

I asked how she was and she told me of a situation that she is dealing with in regards to another friend of hers. It’s not pretty. And when she finished, she said she felt that something must be wrong with her because of this friend and a few other people who had been complete bitches in ending their friendship with her.

“I’m the common denominator,” she said.

“No,” I told her. “The common denominator is that people are assholes.”

And if you knew Mrs. Azzah, you would agree. She is so effervescent and charming and delightful. She listens so well and gives such good advice. She makes you feel like your life is the most important thing in the world to her.

She’s my oldest and dearest friend, I realized. No one else from that long ago has remained even half so close.

Just talking to her made me feel saner, like I could handle all the crazy shit real life is throwing my way. Friends are awesome like that, picking you up when you are down and reminding you of who you are and what you’re capable of when you are lost in a thicket of despair.

So if you have a friend like my Mrs. Azzah, take a moment to think about them and what they do for you. Tell them you love them. Go visit. Call. A friend like that is more precious than diamonds and they deserve to hear it.

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6 Responses to My RL friends list

  1. Yngwe says:

    Nice post Alas. This past week a true friend of mine was in town for a conference. I see him maybe once a year now, but when we do, it’s like nothing has changed between us. Your post is a nice reminder of how precious those relationships are.

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  3. Rhii says:

    Thanks Alas, this is a wonderful post. I’m sure I drive you guys all nuts talking about Mrs. Aurdon (my own equivalent to Mrs. Azzah) the parallels in our friendship are pretty striking… We met in a class we didn’t like in college, I didn’t think I would like her much at first because I was a first class geek girl and she was quite stylish and fashionable and I don’t normally find those things to go together. Fortunately she proved me wrong by loving Zelda and teaching me to splice speaker wire in a dorm room crisis. Shortly thereafter we moved heaven and earth to become roommates mid-year, and we’ve been best friends ever since.

    College ended and she went home — to Missouri — and got married, and I went home to Maine and didn’t, but the few times we saw each other it was like nothing at all had changed. Her husband introduced me to WoW AND to WoW blogging (thank you Aurdon!) and eventually I followed her to Missouri. Well, I went to Missouri for grad school, but her living there was a not insignificant point in favor of the school I chose. Now she’s my link to sanity, a reminder that most people just don’t live the crazy grad school life I do, and I think I do the same for her when she gets stir-crazy being a mom.

    My mother’s most constant advice for me has always been, don’t move for your friends, make decisions for your life and if you have to make new friends, you can. But I guess there are friendships that are exceptions to that rule, and like Yngwe said they are rare and precious.

    Anyway, you gave me a smile today, and a reason to be grateful for my wonderful friend. :) I think I’ll go call her and set up a coffee date.

  4. Elfindale says:

    Damn, I was pretty sure when I read the title that this post was going to be about me. Ahahaha, just kidding. But on a serious note, while I have not spent much time with Mrs. Azzah and unfortunately do not know her as well as I’d like, I have spent a great deal of time listening to you and Mr. Azzah talking about her and I can say for certain that she’s a great person. I’m glad you guys still keep in touch and I’m glad even though you’ve both left Missouri, you ended up at least in the same basic region of the country so seeing each other is not totally out of the question.
    Elfindale recently posted..The One Where It’s Really Getting To MeMy Profile

  5. Mrs.Azzah says:

    L- you have made my day brighter! Thank you so much. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life.
    So excited for New Years and (hopefully) Blizzcon next year. Though I can’t promise not to laugh hysterically at that person you know we will see in a costume no one else should have to :)
    *Big Hug*

  6. Jen says:

    I met my friend when we were about 12 – we were neighbors back then, and neither of us can remember exactly *how* we met. When she was 16, she moved to Austria, and we kept in touch but we probably talked less than once a month.

    …until last year, when I found out not only that her husband plays WoW, but she does too! RealID became better than Yahoo Messenger, and I recently moved an alt to her realm and we’re about to ding 85 :) It’s taken us a couple of months to get those 5 levels, but it’s always fun when we can destroy quest mobs and talk about her pregnancy or my kitten on Skype at the same time.
    Jen recently posted..One month of CataclysmMy Profile