On a roll; won’t shut up

I had an epiphany last night. Not the toilet kind.

I was thinking over the events of the day as I mindlessly pew pew pewed some random things into oblivion when it occurred to me. That’s not terribly relevant to the story, but I like to demonstrate that this site does still have just a little bit to do with gaming.

Anyhow, those who follow me on Twitter and who were paying attention saw that I was considering a drama post. The vague circumstances are that there are still little rumblings of leftover angst and emo from events that happened more than a year ago. It’s mildly irritating but not the end of the world – though my protective side came out with a roar on the behalf of a friend.

In the end, I decided the post wasn’t a good or mature decision and I didn’t write it. Well, I wrote it. Twice. And then deleted it. It’s a cathartic process.

“WHY CAN’T PEOPLE LET GO?” I demanded, talking to Amber about it via gchat.

Pot, meet kettle

But the truth is that letting go isn’t something I am very good at. Take last July when I wrote:

…I’ve been blogging and twittering for all the wrong reasons lately, trying to prove something to someone who left my life a while ago and who would probably laugh if he knew how much I let him win. Except the contest only exists in my head and honestly, how pathetic is that?

There’s a prime example of my inability to just let go and move on. I’ll have contests of will against imaginary opponents. And then I usually end up losing. Sigh.

But now I think I’m on the other side of it. I think a few someones have imagined a contest with me and the recent events have been evidence that they are in that dark and unhealthy place where they can’t let go and move on.

Honestly? It makes me partly sad for them, because I know what it’s like to be in that place and I know how self-destructive that behavior can be.

(The part of me that is an absolute, raging asshole is gleefully dancing around in a bizarre victory dance, thinking about tiger’s blood and #winning)

So I guess for as long as they can’t let go, then they can’t let go. The best and healthiest thing for me to do is to just ignore them and keep going where I’m going.

Oh. And the end of my own story about not being able to let go? I confronted that situation and that person. I wouldn’t categorize the current relationship as being much of a real relationship, but in that casual acquaintances sort of way, all is at peace.

What more could a person ask for?

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2 Responses to On a roll; won’t shut up

  1. Achloryn says:

    I giggled pretty heavily at the very first two lines just because I got the reference.

    I giggled even harder at the mental image of you dancing around with tiger’s blood all Charlie Sheen-ish.

    Sheenish? Sheen-ish? If that’s not a word, it TOTALLY should be.