Distant longing

I knew right then that I’d return
To where I was before
And I was so tired of being away
That I just couldn’t stay anymore

-Brandi Carlile, What Did I Ever Come Here For?

This is as much a surprise to me as it probably is to you. No, I wouldn’t say I’m back or anything even remotely close to it. I haven’t missed blogging about WoW and I haven’t even really missed playing it for the past three months or so.

So why am I here?

Well, it’s sort of funny. Or at least I think it is.

The first part of it is that I have given up blogging about gaming at all. My SWTOR blog was short-lived! Turns out, that I don’t have the same wish to blog about gaming as I used to. I’ve come full circle and am actually elsewhere, attempting to write about things that occur to me as they relate to Real Life. It’s an interesting experiment for me since I’ve only told about five people what that URL is and my real life nonsense doesn’t come with a built-in potential audience in the same way a blog about an MMO does.

At the same time, writing about this specific topic doesn’t seem at all right for a real life space. Because it’s about WoW and about how the nostalgia that has kicked in lately is making me pine for the familiar climes of Azeroth. So for the same reason I left this space to write elsewhere, I am also coming back for this one little ramble that doesn’t belong anywhere but at Kiss My Alas.

Because if anyone might get this feeling I’ve been having, I suspect it’s someone who forgot to unsubscribe when I quit a few months ago.

And that’s the rest of the reason that I’m here. Because I’m homesick for my first MMO.

In the past few months a lot has happened. One of the most major events being that we got this kitchen (and the rest of the house too, I suppose):

An omnomnom place to nom

 

Because our sellers bought a short sale, they didn’t move out until late June, which worked out well for us in terms of the lease on our last place. The last week and a half has been a blur of boxes and stress and everything else that goes along with moving.

Most importantly, we don’t have Internet access as of yet. Because At decided to get a fiber connection. And there was no fiber existing in the neighborhood previously. Still isn’t, in fact. We have to wait until July 5.

So until that gets done, we have our home office set up and precious little that we can actually do there. (It’s been startling to see just how frequently my answer to anything is “Just Google that” when I’m not able to actually do so.) But one of the things I could do and that I now have the proper motivation to do (see: owning my own house again), was to actually find and prepare some screenshots from WoW to be printed out and stuck in a giant ass frame that I am totally going to hang in that beautiful kitchen.

Going through my folders of screenshots was a massive trip down memory lane.

It was a need to go home and a homecoming all at once.

The feeling I had was honestly bizarre when I stopped to think about it. It was almost as if these images were of places I had physically been. My heart longed for Azeroth in the same way it longs for Capitol Reef – a real life place that is so wrapped up in glorious childhood memories that it is unlike any other spot on this earth as far as I’m concerned.

And as I looked at image after image with places I could readily identify, I realized I was wrong to think I played WoW for the people. They’re an important part for sure, and major pieces of all the reasons why I’ve stayed and why I left, but I also find that I love Azeroth for Azeroth’s sake.

So for the first time in several months, I logged back in and – pleasantly surprised to see I didn’t get kicked out of the guild I moved to – just basked in the quiet of an empty guild and a less-than-busy Stormwind street.

Until I noticed it’s Midsummer. My favorite WoW holiday ever. And because I ache to see all the little spots that I think of as a virtual home, I immediately set about to piss on some Horde fires.

And now I know that as much as I enjoy SWTOR and as little inclination as I have to ever leave the wonderful guild I have there, WoW will always be my first love. I guess we’re just not completely done with each other yet.

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9 Responses to Distant longing

  1. I am firmly of the belief that it is as much about the people as it is about the game, and Warcraft does peculiar things to disparate groups. It crosses time zones and barriers you can not often realise exist. In the end however it is a hugely rich and continuously evolving place to exist. The only loading screens are in dungeons, and the only restrictions are in your own imagination.

    It is a great place to live… and you can come back whenever you want, on your terms.

    Its good to see you back :D

  2. Anna says:

    That is exactly how I feel and I had not realized until I read this. Thank you.

  3. Hyacintha says:

    You forgot to mention the people who purposefully didn’t unsubscribe hoping for just such an update.

    I’ve been on kind of a WoW break lately, too. When real life busyness keeps me from logging in on a regular basis, as it has for the past several months, I find it saps my desire to play when I DO have time. But just the other day I dragged myself online (also for the Fire Festival!), and even though I was the only person in my guild logged in, I was overcome with nostalgia and pleasure just being back in the world. I can certainly relate to your love of “Azeroth for Azeroth’s sake.” It’s what hooked me in the first place.

  4. Grimmtooth says:

    /KitchenEnvy

    Kind’ve a bittersweet post, in that I know you’re out there but on some far-away server. Still, enjoy the holiday – you got until tomorrow night before they blow out the candles!

    But you’re absolutely right – Azeroth herself is the biggest NPC ever was, and she has quite the personality. In fact, it was my GM on Alleria that got me thinking about blogging about WoW in the first place, as she would post lovely vistas on her LJ (back when she posted anything anywhere) that got me wanting to talk about what I was doing and seeing, too.

    After I quit playing on Grimmtooth Mk I, Baron Soosdon, of all people, sucked me back in with his vids, all showcasing Azeroth as well as an Azeroth that never was. His camera angles and framing gave new perspective to things I saw all the time and never noticed.

    Also, I think we all have a sunset @ Auberdine screenie, and it’s no wonder. Pity it’s gone, now.

  5. Elfindale says:

    First, I will never unsubscribe from you and judging by the comments above I’m not the only one who feels that way.

    Second, the way you feel is exactly why I still login and do a few dailies and fishing. Months ago I transferred to a random server where I don’t know anyone and joined a huge “we’ll take anyone” level 25 guild where I’m completely nameless and no one ever speaks. But that’s fine with me. Since I can’t play the game with the friends I cherish the most, then I’d prefer to play it by myself. But I can’t quit playing, not completely.

    I’ve always been addicted to the beauty of WoW, both the massive landscapes and the intimate nooks and crannies. You didn’t specify if you only wanted to use screenshots you personally captured or not, but if you are just simply looking for images regardless of who took them let me know. I’ve got a lot of mine posted in an online photo album and I’ll give you the link.

  6. Elfindale says:

    Forgot to say… I cannot wait to see that kitchen in person. It is beautiful. Congratulations on your new house and all the other good in your life.

  7. Zwingli says:

    I’m with you, Alas. I’ve quit a number of times. Some I’ve said I would never be back. Now, I just say I’m taking a break for an unknown length of time.

    Oh, and no… I will not unsubscribe!!!

    ;)

    Z

  8. Saga says:

    I’ve not taken you off my blogroll, and I never will since I keep hoping for updates. And look! I got one!

    First of all, that kitchen looks absolutely awesome. Colour me jealous!

    Secondly, regarding WoW I can somewhat understand that feeling even though I’ve never quite quit WoW. (Just have slower periods at times when I try other games.) I’ll happily enjoy playing other games, but when I play WoW it’s like coming home.

    While I think that the people of WoW is definitely a big reason for me to play it, I can’t say with certainty that I wouldn’t continue without them either.

    Also, if you’d be okay with sharing I’d love to read your personal blog. I really enjoy your writing and thought your more personal posts on Kiss My Alas were always interesting to read.

    In either case, best of luck with everything! And again, jealous of the kitchen! ;)

  9. Oestrus says:

    Your kitchen is absolutely gorgeous. Welcome back (ish)!