Déjà who?

Er, hello there. This seems a bit familiar, doesn’t it?

This blog is like WoW. I just can’t seem to quit it.

Part of me is rolling my eyes in derision at my own inability to just make a decision and stick to it. At says I quit blogging here because I quit playing WoW, and while that is partially true, I felt that I had other reasons back in March to walk away. I’m not sure now that I know what those reasons were any more.

Honestly, it’s that same self-derision that’s been holding me back for a few weeks from doing anything about this desire to come back to the place that really feels like home. So why today? What’s changed?

Well, for one thing, it’s my birthday and apparently the day I come back from absences from blogging here. It’s like a tradition now. Expect me to “quit blogging” sometime in the future and then look for the return post next August.

For another thing, I am no longer clocking any real amount of time in swtor and have actively moved back to WoW as my primary MMO. I’ve been back for like five seconds and I suddenly have things that I feel a burning desire to talk about. Like how I’ve finally put some of my past to bed and how I plan on tackling my fresh start both in the game and on a new server.

I still wasn’t going to write anything here, but then At reminded me I’m not supposed to care what you guys think of me if I do. A few people have been supportive of the idea of my making another return, and I imagine the silent ones are also rolling their eyes and thinking I’m probably pretty pathetic.

Yeah, well, fuck you imaginary silent people who are judging me. I don’t care.

Thirdly (I have yet to gain any real coherency as you can all see), I started reading Quitter recently. I’m a whole two chapters in and I cannot begin to say how much this book is speaking to me and my life. I’ve been in a crisis of identity lately, all ONOES WHO I DOES WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP? HOW I AM 30 NAO?

And Quitter is helpful with practical advice about how to pursue your dreams so that you can eventually quit your day job.

I can’t begin to explain or even really understand for myself, why it is this spot, this blog that makes me want to write. I can’t draw up a chart of how writing here is different from the personal blog I took a stab at or that one thing I started about my fiction. All I know is that this is somehow my home on the Internet. This is somehow me and my identity and it gives me the courage and conviction I need to go after my dreams.

So I’m back. For realsies this time. And I’m scared and excited and generally derping all over the place.

We’ll just blame it on my age. All of it.

This entry was posted in Acts of Lameness, Real Life, Senseless Blah Blah, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Déjà who?

  1. Kallixta says:

    Happy Birthday!

    Welcome home!

  2. Grimmtooth says:

    I welcome new derping. It helps put my own derping in context.

    • Alas says:

      New old derping? It’s good to be back. I shall derp on at length about LotW tomorrowish. (Unless I am hung over which is probable)

  3. Zwingli says:

    YAY!!!!

    Glad you’re back in WoW! Maybe I’ll see you on one of my random alts (across the many servers).

    Z

  4. Rades says:

    Happy birthday and welcome back! I knew there was a reason I kept KMA on my blogroll. ;)

    • Alas says:

      So you could be there when I came crawling back like we all suspected I would? ;)

      Thanks for the birthday wishes!

  5. elfindale says:

    We miss you in SWTOR land, but I’m truly glad you’re doing what you enjoy and I am, of course, glad to see you return to this spot. Especially if it inspires your writing, as that is a win for both you & us.

    You’ll be great at being 30. It’s so much more adult than you’ve ever been so far. You’ll totally understand what I mean by that some day. Is so liberating to not be considered young anymore. Especially since it doesn’t mean you can’t still act young if you so choose. Happy Birthday.

    • Alas says:

      You can’t miss me in swtor land if you’re going to be in WoW land anyway!

      So far I’ve been 30 for a day and a half and I am pretty much rocking it like an adult. Got myself to work on time and everything. And, you know, no melt downs along the way.

  6. Saga says:

    Wohoo!

    Happy Birthday and Welcome Back! :)

    I never took this off my blogroll, and now I’m definitely glad I didn’t!

    • Alas says:

      Haha, thanks for the birthday wishes and the welcome back.

      It’s good to be back and to still see some familiar faces. :D