Roundup and more re-writes

Some stuff that me laugh recently

Bug Comic is usually very funny, but this one really got me, which is why I share it despite it having nothing to do with World of Warcraft! Read them all if you have a few minutes. The archives aren’t extensive.

A video a co-worker sent me a while back. I had forgotten it, but Mrs. Bennet talking about being leet was a reminder.

I’m sure no one has missed it, but in case you have, get over to Righteous Orbs and read about Gerald, the articulate kobald. This is brilliant stuff, people!

The pictures here are hilarious! Corporate Raider, forsooth!

Other things

First, welcome back to the artist formerly known as Cranky Healer. I am so glad to see you back! Get over there and join your voice to the Murloc Parliament if you haven’t already! Mrgrllgrlll!

Pride and Prejudice and World of Warcraft is too much of a mouthful. It needs a name as I will be re-writing pretty much the whole thing assuming it continues to be funny. Otherwise I might hop around a bit and just hit the key scenes, such as the proposal scene and seeing Pemberly. Any and all ideas for characters are welcome (ie: Lady Catherine shall be a hunTARD, I think, with Mr Collins being her beloved pet). Is Mr Wickham a rogue or a DK? You tell me.

Back to the main point, tell me what this should be called. At has submitted ePride and Peenrejudice, which made me giggle. Does anyone have anything better?

Lastly, because I was so positively overwhelmed with the response I got from all of you, my mind was stuck in the P&P + WoW rut and so I present you all with a gift of the next two chapters. Enjoy!

Chapter 2

Mr. Bennet was among the earliest of those who sent a tell to Mr. Bingley. He had always intended to speak to him, though to the last always assuring his wife that he should not; and till the evening after the conversation was had she had no knowledge of it. It was then disclosed in the following manner. Observing his favorite dps employed in gemming and enchanting a helm, he suddenly addressed her with:

“I hope Mr. Bingley will like it, Lizzy.”

“We are not in a way to know what Mr. Bingley likes,” said her mother resentfully, “since we are not to raid with him.”

“But you forget,” said Elizabeth, “that we shall meet him at the 25-man raids, and that Mrs. Long promised to introduce him.”

“I do not believe Mrs. Long will do any such thing. She has two 10 man raids of her own. She is a selfish, hypocritical woman, and I have no opinion of her.”

“No more have I,” said Mr. Bennet; “and I am glad to find that you do not depend on her serving you.”

Mrs. Bennet deigned not to make any reply, but, unable to contain herself, began scolding one of the dps.

“Don’t keep spamming guild chat so, Kitty, for Heaven’s sake! Have a little compassion on my nerves. You tear them to pieces.”

“Kitty has no discretion in her spam,” said her father; “she times it ill.”

“I dun no wut u mean,” replied Kitty fretfully. “When is ur next raid, Lizzy?”

“To-morrow fortnight.”

“Aye, so it is,” cried her mother, “and Mrs. Long does not come back till the day before; so it will be impossible for her to introduce him, for she will not have raided with him herself.”

“Then, my dear, you may have the advantage of your friend, and introduce Mr. Bingley to her.”

“Impossible, Mr. Bennet, impossible, when I have not raided with him myself; how can you be so teasing?”

“I honour your circumspection. A fortnight’s acquaintance is certainly very little. One cannot know what a man really is by the end of a fortnight. But if we do not venture somebody else will; and after all, Mrs. Long and her dps must stand their chance; and, therefore, as she will think it an act of kindness, if you decline the office, I will take it on myself.”

The guildies stared blankly at the words of their GM. Mrs. Bennet said only, “Nonsense, nonsense!”

“What can be the meaning of that emphatic exclamation?” cried he. “Do you consider the forms of introduction, and the stress that is laid on them, as nonsense? I cannot quite agree with you there. What say you, Mary? For you are a young lady of deep reflection, I know, and read great books and make extracts.”

Mary would have wished to say something sensible, but was AFK.

“While Mary is adjusting her ideas,” he continued, “let us return to Mr. Bingley.”

“I am sick of Mr. Bingley,” cried his wife.

“I am sorry to hear that; but why did not you tell me that before? If I had known as much this morning I certainly would not have sent him a tell. It is very unlucky; but as I have actually invited him to our raids, we cannot escape the acquaintance now.”

The astonishment of the guild was just what he wished; that of Mrs. Bennet perhaps surpassing the rest; though, when the first tumult of joy was over, she began to declare that it was what she had expected all the while.

“How good it was of you, my dear Mr. Bennet! But I knew I should persuade you at last. I was sure you loved your guild too well to neglect such an acquaintance. Well, how pleased I am! and it is such a good joke, too, that you should have talked to him this morning and never said a word about it till now.”

“Now, Kitty, you may spam guild chat as much as you choose,” said Mr. Bennet; and, after he spoke, he logged off the server, fatigued with the raptures of his wife.

“What an excellent GM you have!” said she, when he had logged off the Vent server also. “I do not know how you will ever make him amends for his kindness; or me, either, for that matter. At our time of life it is not so pleasant, I can tell you, to be making new acquaintances every day; but for your sakes, we would do anything. Lydia, though you are the lowest geared, I dare say Mr. Bingley will want you to heal him at the next raid.”

“Oh!” said Lydia stoutly, “I am not afraid; for though I am the least geared, I play the most OP class.”

The rest of the evening was spent in conjecturing how soon he would send Mr. Bennet a tell and determining what instance they should ask him to tank.

Chapter 3

Not all that Mrs. Bennet, however, with the assistance the rest of the guild, could ask on the subject, was sufficient to draw from the GM any satisfactory description of Mr. Bingley. They attacked him in various ways—with barefaced questions, ingenious suppositions, and distant surmises; but he eluded the skill of them all, and they were at last obliged to accept the second-hand intelligence of someone from their friends list, Lady Lucas. Her report was highly favourable. Sir William had been delighted with him. He was quite young, wonderfully geared, extremely agreeable, and, to crown the whole, he meant to be at the next raid with a large party. Nothing could be more delightful! To be fond of raiding was a certain step towards apping to a raiding guild; and very lively hopes of Mr. Bingley’s GearScore were entertained.

“If I can but see one of my guildies happily raiding with Mr. Bingley full time,” said Mrs. Bennet to her husband, “and all the others equally able to get raid invites, I shall have nothing to wish for.”

In a few days Mr. Bingley sent Mr. Bennet a tell and chatted about ten minutes with him while idling in Dalaran. He had entertained hopes of being asked to tank a random heroic for Mr. Bennet’s guildies, of whose ability he had heard much; but he spoke only to the GM. The guildies were somewhat more fortunate, for they had the advantage of ascertaining from inspections on the armory that he wore a tier 10 breastplate and rode an epic mount.

An invitation to instance was soon afterwards dispatched; and already had Mrs. Bennet planned the instances that were to do credit to her guildies and their abilities, when an answer arrived which deferred it all. Mr. Bingley was obliged to be offline for Real Life stuff, and, consequently, unable to accept the honour of their invitation, etc. Mrs. Bennet was quite disconcerted. She could not imagine what business he could have in RL so soon after his arrival on the server; and she began to fear that he might be always flying about from one place to another, and never settled down to raid as he ought to be. Lady Lucas quieted her fears a little by starting the idea of his being gone for Real Life only to get a large party of his RL friends to server transfer; and a report soon followed that Mr. Bingley was to bring twelve dps and seven healers with him to the raid. The guildies grieved over such a number of dps, but were comforted the day before the ball by hearing, that instead of twelve he brought only six with him from Uther —and they were mostly family who had no skills to speak of. And when the party entered the raid it consisted of only five altogether—Mr. Bingley, three dps and another tank.

Mr. Bingley was well geared and able to type out full thoughts with proper grammar; he had a pleasant Night Elf character, and easy, unaffected manners. His dps were all clothies, with an air of decided fashion. The tank, Mr. Darcy, soon drew the attention of the raid by his fine, tall Draenei Paladin’s handsome features, noble mien, and the report which was in general circulation within five minutes after his entrance, of his having a GearScore of ten thousand. The off tank pronounced him to be completely overpowered, the dps and healers declared he was much better geared than Mr. Bingley, and he was looked at with great admiration for about half the evening, till his manners gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity; for he was discovered to be proud; to be above his company, and above being pleased; and not all his large GearScore could then save him from having a most forbidding, disagreeable reputation, and being unworthy to be compared with his friend.

Mr. Bingley had soon made himself acquainted with all the principal people in the raid; he was lively and unreserved, marked every pull, was angry that the instance was defeated so early, and talked of taking a raid into ICC. Such amiable qualities must speak for themselves. What a contrast between him and his friend! Mr. Darcy tanked without marking, declined being sociable in Vent or in chat, and spent the rest of the evening in sullenly chain pulling whole rooms, speaking occasionally to one of his own party. His character was decided. He was the proudest, most disagreeable tank on the server, and everybody hoped that he would never raid with them again. Amongst the most violent against him was Mrs. Bennet, whose dislike of his general behaviour was sharpened into particular resentment by his having slighted one of her dps.

Elizabeth had been obliged, by the plethora of dps needing this or that drop from a certain boss, to cycle out for two boss fights; and during part of that time, Mr. Darcy had been having a conversation with Mr. Bingley, who took a brief AFK to press his friend to tank the next boss.

“Come, Darcy,” said he, “I must have you raid. I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better raid.”

“I certainly shall not. You know how I detest it, unless I am facing challenging content. At such a raid as this it would be insupportable. We’ve downed this content too many times before for it to pose any challenge, except that this dps is incapable of pulling any decent numbers and the healers are just barely managing to keep anyone alive.”

“I would not be so fastidious as you are,” cried Mr. Bingley, “for a kingdom! Upon my honour, I never raided with as many pleasant people in my life! And the healers are doing a fine job.”

You have the only decent healer in the raid,” said Mr. Darcy, looking at Jane.

“Oh! She is the best healer I ever beheld! But there is one of her guildies sitting out for this fight, who is very able, and I dare say very agreeable.”

“Which do you mean?” and at Bingley’s direction was soon inspecting Elizabeth, till seeing that she also had him selected, he clicked away  and coldly said: “She is tolerable, but not geared enough to raid with me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to dps who are cycled out of a raid so frequently. You had better return to the raid and enjoy it if you can, for you are wasting your time with me.”

Mr. Bingley followed his advice. Mr. Darcy AFK’ed; and Elizabeth remained with no very cordial feelings toward him. She told the story, however, with great spirit among the guild; for she had a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous.

The evening altogether passed off pleasantly to the whole guild. Mrs. Bennet had seen her best healer much admired by the new party. Mr. Bingley had complimented her twice, and she had been distinguished by his clothies posting her Recount numbers. Jane was as much gratified by this as Mrs. Bennet could be, though in a quieter way. Elizabeth felt Jane’s pleasure. Mary had heard herself mentioned to some of the new transfers as the most accomplished hybrid in the guild; and Catherine and Lydia had been fortunate enough never to get cycled out of the raid, which was all that they had yet learnt to care for at a raid. They were, therefore, in good spirits in guild chat. Mr. Bennet logged on soon after the raid had ended and on the present occasion he had a good deal of curiosity as to the events of an evening which had raised such splendid expectations. He had rather hoped that his wife’s views on the stranger would be disappointed; but he soon found out that he had a different story to hear.

“Oh! my dear Mr. Bennet,” as soon as he was in Vent, “we have had a most delightful evening, a most excellent raid. I wish you had been there. Jane was so admired, nothing could be like it. Everybody said how well she healed; and Mr. Bingley thought her quite leet, and complimented her twice! Only think of that, my dear; he actually complimented her twice! and she was the only creature in the raid that he complimented a second time. First of all, he said something nice about Charlotte. I was so vexed to see him stand up for her! But, however, he did not admire her much at all; indeed, nobody can, you know; and he seemed quite struck with Jane as she was healing the raid. So he inquired what spec she was, and asked her to heal him for the next two fights. Then he asked Miss King, before asking Maria Lucas, and then it was Jane again, and on Saph—”

“If he had had any compassion for me,” cried her husband impatiently, “he would not have asked for different healers half so much! For God’s sake, say no more of his healers. O that he had been disconnected on the first boss!”

“Oh! my dear, I am quite delighted with him. He is so excessively well geared! And his friends are charming dps. I never in my life saw anything more elegant than their t10 robes. I dare say the gems upon Mrs. Hurst’s robe—”

Here she was interrupted again. Mr. Bennet protested against any description of finery. She was therefore obliged to seek another branch of the subject, and related, with much bitterness of spirit and some exaggeration, the shocking rudeness of Mr. Darcy.

“But I can assure you,” she added, “that Lizzy does not lose much by not suiting his fancy; for he is a most disagreeable, horrid tank, not at all worth pleasing. So high and so conceited that there was no enduring him! He walked here, and he walked there, fancying himself so very great! Not good enough to raid with! I wish you had been there, my dear, to have given him one of your set-downs. I quite detest the man.”

Comments

Roundup and more re-writes — 16 Comments

  1. "Mary would have wished to say something sensible, but was AFK." Hahaha. Still brilliant! Draenei Mr. Darcy is also perfect. What classes are all these Bennets in your mind? And are they human?

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  3. What a wonderful way to spend a lunch hour! Love you description of Mr. Darcy the Draenei tank, and Bingley the Night Elf. I'm also curious about the Bennets class and race. :)

    • Quite welcome! I'm more than slightly biased, but I think everyone should read all of Austen at some point in their life. P&P is a great place to start.

  4. I think Jane must be a Night Elf; she always seemed sensible and reserved. And Lydia is a gnome. Probably a warlock, the emo little twit. Wickam must be a DK, definitely.

    Perhaps "Raid and Prejudice"?

      • It occurs to me to point out why DK is good for Wickam; the guild can think he is a fine prospective tank only to learn that he can't hold aggro and in fact queues as tank for fast heroic queue while planning to run in blood presence… perhaps Elizabeth is a paladin like Darcy and that is part of their conflict, because he will not use PallyPower and so her buffs keep getting overwritten?

  5. "Mary would have wished to say something sensible, but was AFK." Hahaha. Still brilliant! Draenei Mr. Darcy is also perfect. What classes are all these Bennets in your mind? And are they human?

    • I honestly haven't gotten that far. I am all for hearing everyone's opinions though! I'm thinking Elizabeth is a hybrid – able to heal and dps although dps is her stronger point. How about in your mind? Please tell me!

  6. This is completely awesome, you made me giggle at work, thanks :D
    I agree with making Mary a hybrid, although not a priest – she doesn't suit shadow. I guess she must be a shaman then, resto/elemental?
    <3

    • Gah, just realised your originally said Elizabeth for hybrid. In that case I think she would be perfectly suited as a priest >:) Paladin would also work :)

      • I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for the kind words. :) I'm a bit torn on Mary. She's so bookish, which sounds squishy but yeah, she's not a priest. I think Elizabeth IS a priest, the more I consider it. After all, she verbally melts a lot of faces when she gets her dander up!

  7. "Mary would have wished to say something sensible, but was AFK." – Best line EVA! It had me cracking up cause it describes Mary so well :D