I just don’t have time to make an epic tale of this, so I’m going to condense everything into a few points.
1. If you are webmonkey-dumb, like I am, tell whichever webmonkey you might have in your life that they are in charge of all webmonkey business, now and always, amen
2. If said webmonkey comes around and tells you FTP isn’t so scary and here’s how you update plugins, put your fingers in your ears and go “Lalalalala!” so you don’t hear any of it
2a. If you fail to do so, bad things will happen
2b. And the webmonkey won’t necessarily be to blame
3. If something like, oh, I dunno, WordPress starts saying “Hey! Upgrade me to 3.0!” turn around and run the other way. Do not press the button. omg. Stop! Do not press the bu-
3a. WHY? WHY WHY WHY?
3c. OH NOES MY WEBSITE IS BROKEN!
5. Blame the webmonkey for not differentiating well enough between plugins and anything else
6. Get asked by savvy friend whether there was a backup
7. Look about shiftily
8. Admit you have no idea
9. PANIC SOME MORE OH NOES
10. Wait until the next day when webmonkey is actually in the office, so to speak. Cross everything in hopeful anticipation
11. Get good news around noon that website is indeed functional from the admin end once again
12. Throw parade for webmonkey who is now the hero of this tale
13. Vow to never get hands dirty with webmonkey grease ever again
14. Demand that, for the future, webmonkey ensure frequent backups are made
14a. I mean, really
15. Realize that as an act of superior lameness, this should be shared with the internets
15b. Go back to pulling out hair over software and end of fiscal year deadline tomfoolery