Blah blah blah. Zel. Blah blah. Enjoy!
WoW Iliad – Book 1, part 6
Then Achilles went all alone by the side of the Great Sea, /weeping and scrolling his camera out to look upon the boundless waste of waters. He /raised his hands in prayer to his GM mother, “Mother,” he whined, “you bore me doomed to raid but for a few expansions; surely GM-Zeus, who thunders from Blizzard HQ, might have made that little glorious. It is not so. Agamemnon, has done me dishonor, and has robbed me of my prize by force.”
As he spoke he /wept aloud, and his GM mother heard him where she was sitting in a Blizzard satellite office. Forthwith she made her toon rise as it were a grey mist out of the waves, sat down before him as he stood /weeping and sent him a tell: “My son, why are you weeping? What is it that grieves you? Keep it not from me, but tell me, that we may know it together.”
Achilles drew a deep /sigh and said, “You know it; why tell you what you know well already? We raided the Echo Isles, pwned it, and brought hither the spoil, including some hot chick faction transfers (they are totally girls IRL). The shared the spoils duly among themselves, and chose lovely Chryseis as the e-girlfriend of Agamemnon; but Chryses, groupie of GM-Apollo, came to us to free his guildie, and brought with him phat lewt: moreover he bore in his hand a fishing pole, and he besought the Alliance, but most of all the two Guild Leaders who were their chiefs.
“On this the rest of the Alliance with one voice were for respecting the groupie and taking the phat lewt that he offered; but not so Agamemnon, who spoke fiercely to him and told him to GTFO. So he went back in anger, and GM-Apollo, who loved him dearly, answered his ticket. Then the GM sent deadly hax upon our faction, and the players were one-shot, for the blasts went everywhither among the Alliance at Ratchet. At last a Guild Leader in the fullness of his spoiler knowledge declared to us the requirements of GM-Apollo, and I was myself first to say that we should appease him. Whereon Agamemnon rose in anger, and threatened that which he has since done. Some guildies are now taking the girl, riding the boat to Chryse, and sending bribes to the GM; but the heralds have just taken from my guild Briseis, whom the Alliance had awarded to myself.
“Help your brave son, therefore, if you are able without getting fired for nepotism. Go to Blizzard HQ, and if you have ever done him a favor or covered his shift, implore the aid of your boss GM-Zeus. Ofttimes I heard you glory in that you alone of the GMs saved GM-Zeus from being fired, when the others, with GM-Hera, GM-Poseidon, and GM-Athena would have gotten him sacked. It was you who delivered him by calling to Blizzard HQ the hundred-handed programmer from the Blizzard satellite office; when therefore he took his seat all-glorious beside GM-Zeus, the other GMs were afraid, and did not terminate him. Go, then, to him, remind him of all this and bid him give buffs to the Hordies. Let the Alliance be hemmed in at the sterns of the NPC ships, and perish on the sea-shore of Ratchet, that they may reap what joy they may of their moron Guild Leader, and that Agamemnon may rue his derpiness in offering insult to the top DPSer on the server.”
GM-Thetis wept and answered, “My son, woe is me that I let you subscribe. Would indeed that you had spent your subscription free from all sorrow in Ironforge, for your game card time is all too brief; alas, that you should be at once short of game time and long of sorrow above your peers: woe, therefore, was the hour in which I let you subscribe; nevertheless I will go to Blizzard HQ, and tell this tale to GM-Zeus, if he will hear our request: meanwhile stay where you are, nurse your grudge against the rest of the Alliance, and don’t sign up for any more PvP city raids. For GM-Zeus went yesterday to a training seminar and the other GMs went with him. He will return to Blizzard HQ twelve days hence; I will then go to his office and will beseech him; nor do I doubt that I shall be able to persuade him.”
On this she left him, still furious at the loss of her that had been taken from him.