Wherein Caroline is (still) a rotten whore

Chapter 21

The discussion of Mr. Collins’s offer was now nearly at an end, and Elizabeth had only to suffer from the uncomfortable feelings necessarily attending it, and occasionally from some peevish allusions of Mrs. Bennet. As for the gentleman himself, his feelings were chiefly expressed, not by embarrassment or dejection, or by trying to avoid her, but by stiffness of manner and resentful silence. He scarcely ever spoke to her, and the assiduous attentions which he had been so sensible of himself were transferred for the rest of the day to Charlotte, whose civility in listening to him was a seasonable relief to them all, and especially to her friend.

The morrow produced no abatement of Mrs. Bennet’s ill-humour or ill health. Mr. Collins was also in the same state of angry pride. Elizabeth had hoped that his resentment might shorten his visit, but his plan did not appear in the least affected by it. He was always to have transferred back on Saturday, and to Saturday he meant to stay.

After dailies, the girls performed a search on <The Meryton Militia> to inquire if Mr. Wickham were returned, and to lament over his absence from the ICC Raid. He joined them on their entering a random heroic, and attended them through the instance where his regret and vexation, and the concern of everybody, was well talked over. To Elizabeth, however, he voluntarily acknowledged that the necessity of his absence had been self-imposed.

“I found,” said he, “as the time drew near that I had better not meet Mr. Darcy; that to be in the same raid, the same party with him for so many hours together, might be more than I could bear, and that scenes might arise unpleasant to more than myself.”

She highly approved his forbearance, and they had leisure for a full discussion of it, and for all the commendation which they civilly bestowed on each other, as Wickham and another officer agreed to farm OS with <Longbourn>, and during the raid he particularly attended to her. His accompanying them was a double advantage; she felt all the compliment it offered to herself, and it was most acceptable as an occasion of introducing him to her GM.

Soon after their return, a letter was delivered to Jane; it came from Caroline. It was delivered in the usual fashion, through in-game mail, although it was marked as being from ‘Unknown’; and Elizabeth noticed that Jane grew suddenly quiet in Vent. Jane recollected herself soon, and tried to join with her usual cheerfulness in the general conversation; but Elizabeth felt an anxiety on the subject which drew off her attention even from Wickham; and no sooner had he and his companion taken leave, than a whisper from Jane invited her to follow her into another channel. When they had gained privacy, Jane, referenced the letter, saying:

“This is from Caroline Bingley; what it contains has surprised me a good deal. The whole party have left the server by this time, and are on their way back to their original server—and without any intention of coming back again. You shall hear what she says.”

She then read the first sentence aloud, which comprised the information of their having just resolved to follow their brother to their old server directly, and of their meaning to rejoin Mr. Darcy’s guild there. The next was in these words: “I do not pretend to regret anything I shall leave behind, except your society, my dearest friend; but we will hope, at some future period, to enjoy many returns of that delightful intercourse we have known, and in the meanwhile may lessen the pain of separation by a very frequent and most unreserved correspondence through RealID. I depend on you for that.” To these highflown expressions Elizabeth listened with all the insensibility of distrust; and though the suddenness of their removal surprised her, she saw nothing in it really to lament; it was not to be supposed that their absence from the server would prevent Mr. Bingley’s being able to contact Jane; and as to the loss of their society, she was persuaded that Jane must cease to regard it, in the enjoyment of his.

“It is unlucky,” said she, after a short pause, “that you should not be able to see your friends before they leave the server. But may we not hope that the period of future happiness to which Caroline looks forward may arrive earlier than she is aware, and that the delightful intercourse you have known as friends will be renewed with yet greater satisfaction as guild mates? Mr. Bingley will not be detained by them.”

“Caroline decidedly says that none of the party will return, even to roll alts. I will read it to you:”

“When Mr. Bingley left us yesterday, he imagined that the business which took him to our old server might be concluded in three or four days; but as we are certain it cannot be so, and at the same time convinced that when Mr. Bingley gets to the privileges of an established guild bank and healthier economy he will be in no hurry to leave it again, we have determined on following him thither, that he may not be obliged to spend his vacant hours in pick up groups. Many of my acquaintances are already there; I wish that I could hear that you, my dearest friend, had any intention of making one of the crowd—but of that I despair. I sincerely hope your raiding may abound in the epics which that exercise generally brings, and that your tanks will be so numerous as to prevent your feeling the loss of the three of whom we shall deprive you.”

“It is evident by this,” added Jane, “that he comes back no more.”

“It is only evident that Caroline does not mean that he should.”

“Why will you think so? It must be his own doing. He is his own master. But you do not know all. I will read you the passage which particularly hurts me. I will have no reserves from you.”

“Mr. Darcy is impatient to see his sister; and, to confess the truth, we are scarcely less eager to meet her again. I really do not think Georgiana has her equal for gear, ability, and achievements; and the affection she inspires in Louisa and myself is heightened into something still more interesting, from the hope we dare entertain of her being hereafter our primary healer. I do not know whether I ever before mentioned to you my feelings on this subject; but I will not leave the server without confiding them, and I trust you will not esteem them unreasonable. Mr. Bingley admires her greatly already; he will have frequent opportunity now of seeing her on the most intimate footing; her friends all wish the connection as much as his own; and a guild mate’s partiality is not misleading me, I think, when I call Mr. Bingley most capable of engaging any healer’s mana pool. With all these circumstances to favour an attachment, and nothing to prevent it, am I wrong, my dearest Jane, in indulging the hope of an event which will secure the happiness of so many?”

“What do you think of this sentence, my dear Lizzy?” said Jane as she finished it. “Is it not clear enough? Does it not expressly declare that Caroline neither expects nor wishes me to be her raid healer; that she is perfectly convinced of her Mr. Bingley’s indifference; and that if she suspects the nature of my feelings for him, she means (most kindly!) to put me on my guard? Can there be any other opinion on the subject?”

“Yes, there can; for mine is totally different. Will you hear it?”

“Most willingly.”

“You shall have it in a few words. Caroline sees that Mr. Bingley wants you for his healer, and wants him to engage Georgiana for the service instead. She follows him to their old server in hope of keeping him there, and tries to persuade you that he does not care about you.”

Jane shook her head.

“Indeed, Jane, you ought to believe me. No one who has ever seen you together can doubt his affection. Caroline, I am sure, cannot. She is not such a simpleton. Could she have seen half as much love in Mr. Darcy for herself, she would have rerolled by now. But the case is this: We are not rich enough or grand enough for them; and she is the more anxious to get Georgiana for Bingley, from the notion that when there has been one connection to the <Pemberly> bank accounts, she may have less trouble in achieving a second; in which there is certainly some ingenuity, and I dare say it would succeed, if Miss de Bourgh were out of the way. But, my dearest Jane, you cannot seriously imagine that because Caroline tells you Mr. Bingley greatly admires Georgiana, he is in the smallest degree less sensible of your merit than when he took leave of you on Tuesday, or that it will be in her power to persuade him that, instead of bwanting you to heal him, he is very much wanting her friend to perform that office.”

“If we thought alike of Caroline,” replied Jane, “your representation of all this might make me quite easy. But I know the foundation is unjust. Caroline is incapable of wilfully deceiving anyone; and all that I can hope in this case is that she is deceiving herself.”

“That is right. You could not have started a more happy idea, since you will not take comfort in mine. Believe her to be deceived, by all means. You have now done your duty by her, and must fret no longer.”

“But, my dear Lizzy, can I be happy, even supposing the best, in accepting a tank whose guild mates and friends are all wishing him to recruit elsewhere?”

“You must decide for yourself,” said Elizabeth; “and if, upon mature deliberation, you find that the misery of disobliging his two guild mates is more than equivalent to the happiness of being his main healer, I advise you by all means to refuse him.”

“How can you talk so?” said Jane, faintly smiling. “You must know that though I should be exceedingly grieved at their disapprobation, I could not hesitate.”

“I did not think you would; and that being the case, I cannot consider your situation with much compassion.”

“But if he returns no more, my choice will never be required. A thousand things may arise while he is away!”

The idea of his returning no more Elizabeth treated with the utmost contempt. It appeared to her merely the suggestion of Caroline’s interested wishes, and she could not for a moment suppose that those wishes, however openly or artfully spoken, could influence a tank so totally independent of everyone.

She represented to Jane as forcibly as possible what she felt on the subject, and had soon the pleasure of seeing its happy effect. Jane’s temper was not desponding, and she was gradually led to hope, though the diffidence of affection sometimes overcame the hope, that Bingley would return to the server and answer every wish of her heart.

They agreed that Mrs. Bennet should only hear of the departure of the guild, without being alarmed on the score of the tank’s conduct; but even this partial communication gave her a great deal of concern, and she bewailed it as exceedingly unlucky that they should happen to go away just as they were all getting so intimate together. After lamenting it, however, at some length, she had the consolation that Mr. Bingley would be soon over again and soon dining on fish feast crafted in <Longbourn>, and the conclusion of all was the comfortable declaration, that though he had been invited only to a guild raid, she would take care to have two types of feasts and extra flasks.

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Mistakes, expectations and which one I will take responsibility for

Mistakes, I’ve made a few. I can admit it.

One thing I have always tried to do when I have made a mistake is to learn from it. What could I have done differently? What other options did I have? How might I have achieved my desired outcome? What will I do if I encounter this same type of situation in the future?

A mistake I’ve made

Sometimes it’s easy to see what I might have done differently. Take the initial trigger in the drama bomb that led up to me leaving WWAB. It was pretty innocent at the time, I thought. Someone in a raid sent me a tell basically whining that the raid wasn’t moving forward because people were too busy playing with their mini pets.

I didn’t really think too much at the time about my actions. From the tell, it sounded as though most of the raid was goofing off. I certainly didn’t know who was or wasn’t. I popped into the vent channel for that raid and mildly said something like, “Hey, guys, raid time is raid time. It’s not time to play with pets.”

As it turned out, only one person had been goofing off and not only was she an officer, she was supposed to be leading the raid. She felt called out. Which I think she should have. But she was also overly sensitive about it and a seed of resentment was planted. A little seed that grew into a fuck off enormous tree of petty revenges.

I should have taken that complaint to the officer channel and asked the officers who were in the raid what was up and who was goofing off. The matter would have been dealt with and much QQ could likely have been avoided.

Oh hindsight, you bitch.

A mistake I tried not to make again

More recently, I had a somewhat similar situation arise. Someone in vent said something that they shouldn’t have. Rather than get all over their case in a public manner, I casually brought it up later. In fact, I have done so a few times now.

But someone else who heard the comment and wasn’t privy to my discussions afterwards assumed I had let it slide. Out of that assumption and several other observations, this person accused me of a few things, including playing favorites.

When I was first starting to try to deal with this unexpected situation, I found myself initially thinking that perhaps I had learned the wrong lesson. Should have I laid the smackdown on in vent? Said something about how we would just talk about that later? Did I need to let everyone know that a serious discussion would take place without letting them know the outcome or the content?

And mostly, did I really want to keep doing this leadership thing if all it meant was that no matter which people I surrounded myself with, they would all always be ascribing me motives and thoughts and actions or lack of actions that weren’t necessarily accurate?

What I have learned

After giving myself more time to think, I don’t believe that the lesson I learned was wrong or that I handled the recent situation inappropriately. I do believe that being in a leadership position will continue to be a source of frustration and heartache for me if I don’t learn to stop taking responsibility for other people’s expectations.

The person who accused me of playing favorites seems to have had an expectation that I should have publicly jumped all over the person who spoke out of turn in vent. While I might have done something to help create that expectation through my actions long ago with that other officer, I don’t think I can or should take responsibility for that expectation still being alive and well in this person’s mind. After all, they saw the fruit of that mistake and the only logical thing to conclude is that I would try to avoid making the same mistake again.

Along with that, I can’t take responsibility for situations where people pass judgments on me without ever bothering to talk to me about whatever leadership failing they think I am displaying. Nor can I spend all my time explaining my every thought and action to everyone who might have read it wrong. It’s too much to ask of anyone.

It’s likely pertinent to note that this new guild is without officers because I expected people to be able to police themselves. I don’t see the need to BE WROTH AND SMITE THEM ALL just because I happen to be the GM. Being the GM of adults shouldn’t require me to babysit and I just won’t do it. I will deal with legitimate problems, but as long as everyone is making progress towards our stated goals, I don’t really care how they go about it.

So now I am hoping I have learned a good and truthful lesson from this latest accusation of making mistakes. And I am trying to internalize that I am not culpable for other people’s expectations not being met. Lastly, I have determined that I will not spend any more time trying to defend myself to these particular accusations. If the history of my character isn’t enough for someone to believe my stated intentions, then what good will mere words do?

But I still wish things hadn’t shaken out this way.

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much afraid

Is it wrong to admire a fictional character that I control and for whom I make decisions? Because I do. I admire Alas so very much. She’s brave and confident in a way that I just am not. I’m certain it helps that she doesn’t really need to fear anything. There’s no public speaking in WoW (aside from that one speech you have to give in Hyjal and that’s really just blurting out random thoughts) and the worst possible thing that could happen (Death) is totally reversible because it’s Never Quite Your Time, Young Adventurer.

Alas and I both had our worlds changed around the same time. Hers was remodeled by an angry dragon aspect who does surprisingly good work for being so angry and bent on destruction and mine was a combination of cross-country moving and changing guilds. The guild thing doesn’t really figure, but I wanted to be as un-subtle as possible about directing you to my new page about it.

Did you turn into a hick?

I was talking with my sister yesterday following my little excursion downtown to meet with a guy who will be attempting to pimp me out for a rather nice job with a rather large firm. It’s weird to me, since I have always sought my own  jobs, but these tend to be temp to hire, so I suppose it’s handled differently. Anyhow, as anyone who saw me tweeting about my certainty that I was going to throw up knows, I was a bundle of nerves. And it wasn’t just this meeting/interview thing.

This city that I have loved and missed and spent 20 years of my life in, overwhelms me just now. When I said as much to my sister, she looked up and laughed at me. “Did you turn into a hick?”

I just might have.

But the month I have spent here, more or less cooping myself up in the basement, dealing with the outside world via the Internet, I have started to wonder why I am letting myself be so overwhelmed by these changes. It reminds me of when I first got married and moved to Missouri – when I cried pretty much every day for the first six months, often inconsolably.

I’m not crying now; I’m actually rather happy and forever adding to my mental list of reasons why I love this place, but I also lack confidence.

Reason 4765

And I could say that things have changed. They have, and in many cases the change has been tremendous. Whole tracts of land that I recall being open desert are now shopping centers, packed with trendy restaurants and upscale stores. My old neighborhood looks shockingly slum-like and the shopping center that I walked to nearly every day has nothing but one huge swath of abandoned buildings. But the road system is still the same, so how goddamn hard could it be to get around?

It really isn’t. But I am still overwhelmed.

How did this happen?

I keep asking myself why this should be so difficult. I’ve admittedly never been the most outgoing of people, but even I can see and admit that I am being ridiculously timid about embracing my new life, especially since I am in a familiar place. And other than spending most of a decade living in the rural Midwest (but never quite fitting in), I haven’t experienced anything that could explain how traumatized I feel in trying to make this adjustment.

But feelings often don’t make a whole lot of sense so maybe there is no explanation and perhaps it doesn’t do me any good to sit around and suppose that some part of me fears meeting with the same sort of rejection I faced at nearly every turn in Missouri.

Or maybe it’s just damned uncomfortable to not only confront some of the things of which I am so much afraid, but to do so with the potential of then sharing this weakness with the 10 people who might read this and see just how foolish I can be.

I do know I don’t want to be this person. And if I faced some fears yesterday and came out okay, why can’t I do the same today?

Gotta face my Deathwing

I don’t want WoW to be a form of escapism for me, but I do want to learn to be a bit more like Alas. She doesn’t care that the scenery has changed in the old world she once knew and has returned to. It doesn’t bother her a bit that things that used to be easy (like getting through Deadmines) have changed to the point where it’s now a bit more of a slog. And she certainly doesn’t mind getting out of Stormwind and exploring the wider world, seeing what all those quartermasters have to offer.

Perhaps it’s all just a matter of perspective.

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More fake content

I know. I’m sorry. I am trying really hard to have deep, serious thoughts about deep, serious things, but it’s a little hard when one’s play time consists of Boring Dailies and Profession Grinding, with perhaps a train wreck of a PUG thrown in for good measure.

Anyhow, I was finally able to scrape together enough cloth for some crafted epics (Flame-Ascended Pantaloons and a Dreamless Belt) (damn that ridiculously long CD on dreamcloth). And I was really excited about it until I saw the belt.


It just seems… uh, well, too big for the one thing. And too blue. It just clashes horribly with all that dark purple I’ve got going on.

But it also sits awkwardly on my character, giving her that slouched and potbellied sort of look I last saw on Vector in “Despicame!” (As my two year old nephew calls his favorite movie)

And overall, I just gotta say, someone find me an upgrade! This is really getting out of control over here.

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Engrish in WoW

I had nothing today but then the WoW gods saw fit to provide me with a little gem of WoW Engrish.

And then another one! It was like a double feature.

“The rockling offers great gravely sigh of appretiation.”

There are a few problems with that one. Firstly, I feel that there should be an article in there. The rockling should offer a great blah, blah, blah.

Secondly, gravely is a misspelling of what I believe was intended to be gravelly. Because he’s a rockling. Do you see what they were going for there? Just checking.

Thirdly, what is this appretiation business? While there seem to be any number of semi-illiterate folks out there appretiating all manner of things (note: Google doesn’t agree that appretiation should be used in lieu of appreciation either, so you will have to change the search even though I totally already Google F. Searched it for you), I don’t think rocklings in WoW should be among them. That two emotes have the same spelling error is. Just. Fantastic.

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Chapter 20: No one understands how she suffers!

Chapter 20

Mr. Collins was not left long to the silent contemplation of his successful petition; for Mrs. Bennet, having dawdled about in the Vent vestibule to watch for the end of the conference, no sooner saw Elizabeth exit the Party One channel, than she herself entered it, and congratulated both him and herself in warm terms on the happy prospect of their nearer connection. Mr. Collins received and returned these felicitations with equal pleasure, and then proceeded to relate the particulars of their interview, with the result of which he trusted he had every reason to be satisfied, since the refusal which Elizabeth had steadfastly given him would naturally flow from her bashful modesty and the genuine delicacy of her character.

This information, however, startled Mrs. Bennet; she would have been glad to be equally satisfied that Elizabeth had meant to encourage him by protesting against his proposals, but she dared not believe it, and could not help saying so.

“But, depend upon it, Mr. Collins,” she added, “that Lizzy shall be brought to reason. I will speak to her about it directly. She is a very headstrong, foolish girl, and does not know her own interest but I will make her know it.”

“Pardon me for interrupting you, madam,” cried Mr. Collins; “but if she is really headstrong and foolish, I know not whether she would altogether be a very desirable healer to a tank in my situation, who naturally looks for no drama in the guild. If therefore she actually persists in rejecting my suit, perhaps it were better not to force her into accepting me, because if liable to such defects of temper, she could not contribute much to my felicity.”

“Sir, you quite misunderstand me,” said Mrs. Bennet, alarmed. “Lizzy is only headstrong in such matters as these. In everything else she is as good-natured a girl as ever lived. I will go directly to Mr. Bennet, and we shall very soon settle it with her, I am sure.”

She would not give him time to reply, but hurrying instantly to the Officer Channel, called out as she entered, “Oh! Mr. Bennet, you are wanted immediately; we are all in an uproar. You must come and make Lizzy transfer with Mr. Collins, for she vows she will not have him, and if you do not make haste he will change his mind and not have her.”

“I have not the pleasure of understanding you,” said Mr. Bennet , when she had finished her speech. “Of what are you talking?”

“Of Mr. Collins and Lizzy. Lizzy declares she will not have Mr. Collins, and Mr. Collins begins to say that he will not have Lizzy.”

“And what am I to do on the occasion? It seems an hopeless business.”

“Speak to Lizzy about it yourself. Tell her that you insist upon her transferring to heal him.”

“Let her be called down. She shall hear my opinion.”

Mrs. Bennet summoned Elizabeth into the Officer Channel.

“There you are,” cried her GM as she appeared. “I have sent for you on an affair of importance. I understand that Mr. Collins has made you an offer of a healing spot in his raid group. Is it true?” Elizabeth replied that it was. “Very well—and this offer you have refused?”

“I have, sir.”

“Very well. We now come to the point. Mrs. Bennet insists upon your accepting it. Is it not so, Mrs. Bennet?”

“Yes, or I will never see her again.”

“An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your officers. Mrs. Bennet will never see you again if you do not transfer to heal Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.”

Elizabeth could not but smile at such a conclusion of such a beginning, but Mrs. Bennet, who had persuaded herself that her husband regarded the affair as she wished, was excessively disappointed.

“What do you mean, Mr. Bennet, in talking this way? You promised me to insist upon her going with him.”

“My dear,” replied her husband, “I have two small favours to request. First, that you will allow me the free use of my understanding on the present occasion; and secondly, of my channel. I shall be glad to have some silence as soon as may be.”

Not yet, however, in spite of her disappointment in her husband, did Mrs. Bennet give up the point. She talked to Elizabeth again and again; coaxed and threatened her by turns. She endeavoured to secure Jane in her interest; but Jane, with all possible mildness, declined interfering; and Elizabeth, sometimes with real earnestness, and sometimes with playful gaiety, replied to her attacks. Though her manner varied, however, her determination never did.

Mr. Collins, meanwhile, was meditating in solitude on what had passed. He thought too well of himself to comprehend on what motives Elizabeth could refuse him; and though his pride was hurt, he suffered in no other way. His regard for her was quite imaginary; and the possibility of her deserving reproach prevented his feeling any regret.

While the guild were in this confusion, Charlotte logged on to spend the day with them. She was met by Lydia, who, sent her a whisper, “I am glad you are come, for there is such fun here! What do you think has happened this morning? Mr. Collins has made an offer to Lizzy, and she will not have him.”

Charlotte hardly had time to answer, before they were joined by Kitty, who came to tell the same news; and no sooner had they formed a party to do a group daily, than Mrs. Bennet appeared and likewise began on the subject, calling on Charlotte for her compassion, and entreating her to persuade her friend Lizzy to comply with the wishes of all her guild. “Pray do, my dear Charlotte,” she added, “for nobody is on my side, nobody takes part with me. I am cruelly used, nobody feels for my poor nerves. QQ”

Charlotte’s reply was spared by the arrival of Jane and Elizabeth.

“Aye, there she comes,” continued Mrs. Bennet, “looking as unconcerned as may be, and caring no more for us than if we were strangers, provided she can have her own way. But I tell you, Miss Lizzy—if you take it into your head to go on refusing every offer of a raid spot in this way, you will never get a raiding guild at all—and I am sure I do not know who is to tank for you in the long run. I shall not be able to keep you—and so I warn you. You shall have to PUG through LFD for ever! I have done with you from this very day. I told you in the officer channel, you know, that I should never speak to you again, and you will find me as good as my word. I have no pleasure in talking to undutiful guildies. Not that I have much pleasure, indeed, in talking to anybody. People who suffer as I do from nervous complaints can have no great inclination for talking. Nobody can tell what I suffer! But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied.”

The rest of the guild listened in silence to this effusion, sensible that any attempt to reason with her or soothe her would only increase the irritation. She talked on, therefore, without interruption from any of them, till they were joined by Mr. Collins, who entered the channel with an air more stately than usual, and on perceiving whom, she said to the girls, “Now, I do insist upon it, that you, all of you, hold your tongues, and let me and Mr. Collins have a little conversation together.”

Elizabeth passed quietly out of the Vemt channel. Jane and Kitty followed, but Lydia stood her ground, determined to hear all she could; and Charlotte, detained first by the civility of Mr. Collins, whose inquiries after herself and all her family were very minute, and then by a little curiosity, satisfied herself with falling silent and pretending to be AFK. In a doleful voice Mrs. Bennet began the projected conversation: “Oh! Mr. Collins!”

“My dear madam,” replied he, “let us be for ever silent on this point. Far be it from me,” he presently continued, in a voice that marked his displeasure, “to resent the behaviour of Elizabeth. Resignation to inevitable evils is the evil duty of us all; the peculiar duty of a young man who has been so fortunate as I have been in my guild; and I trust I am resigned. Perhaps not the less so from feeling a doubt of my positive happiness had Elizabeth honoured me with her heals; for I have often observed that resignation is never so perfect as when the blessing denied begins to lose somewhat of its value in our estimation. You will not, I hope, consider me as showing any disrespect to your guild, my dear madam, by thus withdrawing my pretensions to Elizabeth’s favour, without having paid yourself and Mr. Bennet the compliment of requesting you to interpose your authority in my behalf. My conduct may, I fear, be objectionable in having accepted my dismission from Elizabeth’s lips instead of your own. But we are all liable to error. I have certainly meant well through the whole affair. My object has been to secure an amiable companion for myself, with due consideration for the advantage of all your guild, and if my manner has been at all reprehensible, I here beg leave to apologise.”


It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Hope people are still more or less enjoying this and I’ll try to do better about updates in the future because I am determined to get to those contest entries I received so long ago.

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A guild without officers

I know. It’s like I can’t shut up about guild leadership lately. But I wanted to take a moment to reflect on what the immediate outcomes have been of not having any officers in the new guild.

Honestly, it’s been great so far from a GM perspective. Yes, we have a few little wrinkles to get worked out, such as figuring out which ranks should have which permissions so that I am not, as GM, stuck with being the only person able to invite, promote, demote, have bank access and so forth.

Small potatoes.

In our short time of being a guild without officers, I have personally been able to really relax into the game for what feels like the first time in years. As an example of how things have been going:

Guildie X points out that if we want to attract raiders, we need to get raid-ready ourselves, poking a little at a few people who haven’t been doing their dailies. In response, Guildie Y goes a bit mad with creating spreadsheets of who is and isn’t enchanted and gemmed and makes a post praising Guildie Z for being fully decked out. (The GM is chastised for having been rather lazy on the enchanting front and ashamedly gets most of her gear enchanted that day.)

Meanwhile, Guildie Y has also seized command of the guild calendar, and nightly signups for heroics or just regular 5-mans to get some more people geared for heroics have proliferated.

I look back on how it used to be, with too damn many officers, all of whom did very little to actually help the guild, preferring instead to treat officership like some sort of insiders club where they could talk amongst themselves in their little clique. I recall making rules and chivying and cajoling and beating my head against the brick wall that was getting anyone else to step up and take responsibility for anything.

I find I much prefer being fenceless and officerless. If I can be a dork for just a moment, it makes the opportunities in Eff the Ineffable seem boundless.

To steal more words from Zel, the officers in WWAB needed incentive to do their jobs. In EtI, we don’t have jobs, but we all have incentive to get shit done.

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Corners of Azeroth I have loved

With little to do these days other than perhaps a dungeon or two and the round of dailies, Alas has been working on another favorite pastime: Achievement Whoring. Despite having had the Loremaster title since fairly early on in the Wrath expansion, I’ve been poking through all the new “old” content, redoing all the zones and scooping up more useless achievement points.

It’s been a fun exercise, seeing all the new quest lines or seeing old ones redone. It also definitely helps bring home how much work Blizzard really did put into this expansion, straightening things out from top to bottom.

Here are some favorites of mine that I have encountered along the way so far:

When I ran across this fellow in Ashenvale, I was immediately transfixed. I wondered, if he would speak to me, would he try to sell me fashionable tailored items? Or would it all be a load of BS?

This next series of shots had me immediately on Google chat to Zel. THERE IS A BEE PIT IN THE GAME! I announced. Sort of.

The beeeees! They sting!

I don't need no stinkin' water!

Between that quest and using rainbows to scare away imps, I got a few laughs out of Felwood.

I also got a laugh out of Sanath Lim-yo. His text reminded me irresistibly of Tam’s prettiest elf. Perhaps they are cousins?

Go fug yerself

At first, I was quite offended. But then I realized he might have a point.

Things I would never be caught dead wearing irl

But I must admit that my favorite thing about this expansion so far has been an NPC out in Twilight Highlands, by name of Lieutenant Emry. He is a blunt and murderous man, our Lieutenant. There was something about that which greatly appealed to Alas.

Oh, Emry, tell me again how you want to see those savages conquered!

Maybe it was the poetry of his words?

I fear Alas will spend many a day on that war-torn beach, hoping to catch the Lieutenant’s eye again.

What little corners of Azeroth have you delighted in lately?

Posted in Screenshots, Senseless Blah Blah | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments


As readers know, I recently stepped down as GM of War Within A Breath in order to start a new guild on the same server.

I thought I did everything right. I had someone solid to pass the GM title to, I refrained from pillaging the guild bank, I announced in Vent that I was leaving and gave my reasons why and I left a similar message on the guild forums.

Apparently, I can’t do shit right.

Sorry. History Lesson.

To recap just a little about what led up my deciding to leave, a former officer informed me that the more casual elements of WWAB were upset over a variety of things, most of them told in confidence (because the best way to resolve a problem is to not take it to leadership but rather to let it fester). The one thing that did come to my attention as being viewed as an issue, was the core. Which, as I have said before, had long since been abolished.

I said then that I should have quit back in November, when I was seriously considering walking away from all the bullshit that was going on.

A few days later, without giving any reasons or even trying to resolve any of her mysterious issues, this former officer quit. Her husband followed, of course.

I was left in the position of having about half of the people in the guild wanting to raid and raid seriously, with the other half being solidly entrenched in the idea that WWAB was a casual guild but apparently up in arms about something, and possibly thinking that they should be able to raid without putting in any of their own effort. I won’t lie. I lost sleep thinking about this, wondering who the malcontents were and debating on whether or not I should try to call them out on it so that we could at least establish a dialogue and try to move ahead with everyone on the same page.

With that in mind, I scheduled a guild meeting. I had intended to talk about raiding moving forward, reiterate that the core was a thing of the past and that in order to raid, all anyone had to do was get themselves raid ready and then sign up.

But I was still wrestling with the questions. WWAB had started out as a casual guild and there was this history in place that would be difficult to overcome in the minds of the long term members. As I realized a month before, I had changed. And was it really fair of me to try to force that change in goals on the guild? I didn’t think so, but what were my options?

  1. I could run the guild as a hard-core raiding guild, alienating the casuals or perhaps just kicking them out
  2. I could create a sub-group (core) which nobody wanted or liked and which had already failed once
  3. I could give up on your own goals of raiding and have a “casual” guild. Let the harder-core raiders move on when they get tired of babysitting the scrubs
  4. Or I could leave

And one morning, I woke up resolved. I poked at that resolve all day long and for the next three days after that. It didn’t falter. I was going to leave the only guild I’d ever known. I was going to let WWAB be a casual guild, since the dichotomy between having the people who didn’t actually give a rat’s ass about progression wanting to raid and the people who did care about progression not wanting to be held back by having to carry people who weren’t even putting in a minimum effort was the source of a lot of tension and drama.

So instead of having a guild meeting about the future of raiding in WWAB, I announced instead that I was leaving to start a serious raiding guild. I outlined that Cristus would be the GM and he would be working with whoever remained to determine what the direction of WWAB would be. I informed them that all the things At and I handled with our own money (vent, forums) would now be their responsibility if they wanted to have both or either. I expressed that I was willing to take anyone who shared the same goals but that I wanted people to think about it and make their own decisions because I was not going to try to poach. I wanted WWAB to succeed as whatever it wanted to be. I hoped we could still be friends and would love to still be able to ask them to raid with us if we needed people.

It was a difficult conversation, but I thought people understood. I was wrong.

Then I posted my farewell message on the forums and unlike anyone else who had ever, in the whole history of the guild, left for whatever reason, I did not receive many wishes of good luck and hoping to see me around. Which is okay, but what I did get was not:

I honestly feel pretty shitty about the circumstances by which you decided to pull up stakes. Mostly on the fact that if you hadn’t noticed, there isn’t a whole lot of us left. So if you felt the need to make a new guild, my question is why? If you want a raiding core, or wanted to make a separation, why not just define it that way? I always thought the question of the progression raiding core was more one of setting boundaries than it was one of needing an entirely new guild. So in the end result, those of us left in your wake are left feeling like we just weren’t good enough to be included.

I’m know that this is supposed to be a game, and there are those who espouse the idea that drama in games is needless since this is supposed to be fun. And on the grounds that we all pay our monthly to do what we like, I can’t blame you. But we have all spend days and in some cases literally years(!) doing this together. In light of that, I have to say this could have been handled better and I’m disappointed.


I’ve been trying to find a way to say just that exact same thing.. I’m really rather (for lack of a better term at this hour of the morning) pissed off by how everything was handled and feel exactly like you put it.. Not good enough.

For the short version, this is basically the story so far:

  1. Alas sucks because of the core and omg how dare she try to raid seriously in a casual guild?
  2. Alas leaves and says, “I want to raid seriously. I’mma do that over here instead. Wish you all the best and hope we can still be friends even though we have different goals.”
  3. Alas sucks because omg how dare she go start a new guild when she could have just had a core?

I replied to the post in as diplomatic a fashion as I could muster, but what I wanted to say was more along the lines of: “This sort of logic fail is the sort of thing that has made me crazy. Thanks for years of being completely self-centered assholes who have done nothing but whine and piss and bitch about everything without ever once lifting a finger to help the guild with anything. So you know, your constant blaming me for everything you don’t like and your nailing me to the wall no matter what I do is why I left. Nothing is ever good enough for you people and I frankly hope that you, in your infinite wisdom, try leading a guild some time and I hope you have people around to make it every bit of a fucking miserable experience for you as it has been for me.”

But wait, there’s more!

Over here in this neck of the woods, Elfi wrote about how my leaving made her feel. Now, Elfi and I have talked about things here and there and I am not linking so that everyone can go over there and tell Elfi she had no right to feel the way she did. She said it was knee-jerk reaction and if she had waited a few hours, she wouldn’t have even felt the same way. But because she’s not a coward, she’s letting it stand and I respect it.

The thing that got to me was this anonymously-posted comment:

It’s good to read you are feeling the same way as I am, kinda. I read into it more apparently. I took it as a “Yeah, we’re leaving… and by the way you aren’t good enough to be asked to come along but as a consolation prize we might ask you to come along if we have a spot open so we don’t have to PUG it.” But, I do have a tendency to read more into it than what’s there. It’s true, I’m pissed that there was so much needless gquitting if the GM had apparent plans to leave and start something new anyway. On the other side though I’m thankful WWAB didn’t get “Bend to my will or be banished!”I haven’t decided if I’m going to stay in WWAB or not. I want to raid, and there are plenty of decent guilds that don’t have a Friday/Saturday night raid schedule.

Emphasis mine because do you see the idiotic and offensive assumption this fine, anonymous commenter made? That I am, in fact, the sort of person who would sit around and plot how to drive people out of the guild before leaving myself? And this commenter can believe that of me even though I didn’t stick around to try to force WWAB to change?

Fuck. That.

Bitterness, I has it

In closing, I find myself feeling extremely bitter towards the people who I know made some of these comments. After being used by them as a target for years, I don’t know why I expected anything different from them when I left. But I did. Perhaps not well wishes, but even apathy would have been better than these ignorant and self-centered people judging even my exit as being “not good enough” and “wrong”.

The sad thing is, these people are never going to change. Whoever ends up being their GM or their boss or anyone else with authority over them will undergo this same treatment. They are so used to blaming someone else for anything they don’t like, that they will never, ever stand up and take personal responsibility for their unhappiness. They will sit there and passively blame anyone in the vicinity when it is they themselves that did not ever have the balls to address their own problems or the willingness to stand up and say that they would put in whatever effort it takes to make their environment one they are happy with and want to be a part of.

I keep telling myself that I need to let go of WWAB entirely. And I really do think it’s past time for that to happen. Excuse me while I go gquit on the alt I left over there.

Posted in Leadership, rant, Teh Dramas | Tagged , , , , , , | 22 Comments


Anyone want to take a, um, crack at captioning this picture?

I know. It’s in horrible taste. Doesn’t stop me from giggling like a fool.

Posted in Acts of Lameness, Screenshots, Senseless Blah Blah | Tagged , , , , | 12 Comments