Things about being an officer that should be wildly apparent (but seem not to be)

1. Being an officer is a job, not a perk. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to roll my eyes about this one. It’s rather funny how some people react to the idea. Y-you mean, you expect me to work? I thought I was just here to feel important!

2. Officers should be more open to performance criticisms, especially as it pertains to their level of skill in game. I didn’t hear about this at the time, but our resident number cruncher told me that one of the officers who recently left refused to hear his advice on how to improve their play style because he couldn’t talk to them like that. Officers do not take advice from peons. I beg your lolwut.

3. Officers lead by example. It’s not acceptable to tell everyone else in the guild that you expect them to hold to a certain standard and then clearly and obviously make yourself the exemption from that rule. If you don’t want to be held to a standard, then stop trying to lead anyone else. That seriously garners no fucking respect.

4. Be a grown up. Seriously. No one wants to follow a child. Tantrums and whining aren’t attractive or inspiring.

5. Work to earn respect. There’s a lot of people out there who aren’t dumb enough to be impressed by a title, no matter whether it’s in a game or out of it. Don’t think an arbitrary title is going to be enough for someone else to want to listen to what you have to say. Make an effort to listen more than you talk – and when you do speak, make an effort to apply some logic to your words instead of just speaking from your gut. I mean, yuck.

This post brought to you by the number 1, as represented by the middle digit, the letters F and U, with promotional consideration from Bee Pit Enterprises QQ-grade Mulch.

Posted in Leadership, rant | Tagged , , , , | 14 Comments

Mulch my boss, mulch this job!

Hello all -

A quick note here just to say hey and give a quick wave. It doesn’t seem to make much sense to write about WoW since I have scarcely been in it since the 7th. Alas and At both got as far as level 81 last night, questing through Hyjal. I’ve not seen much, not done much and possibly will be one of the last people in the guild to hit the new level cap.

I will say I’ve enjoyed what I have seen thus far and it feels good to be gaining xp on the main again. Not to mention being engaged in about three rep grinds, all of which are fun for a change after the past few months of pirate-killing and Ogri’la daily-doing.

Real life is something of a bitch and I want to take a moment to bitch about it because I imagine someone out there might pat me on the head and say “There, there,” in a comforting sort of way. You see, I was supposed to be off work yesterday, today and tomorrow. I had it planned months in advance for obvious reasons.

Then work got in the way and my boss commanded that all hands be on deck for some pre-implementation weeklong workshop. Okay, fine, I cancel my plans. I can be a team player. Things went really wrong as far as the vendor being able to get to us in a timely fashion so my boss is reacting poorly, as though it’s the vendor’s fault that weather is generally uncooperative. On the heels of this, he finds out through the grapevine that At has been offered a job and accepted it.

So now he’s pissed at me. Because… because… he’ll have to interview people to fill my position and it’s inconvenient? I really don’t know what the deal is.

All I know is that suddenly this pre-implementation thing is now a place where I am persona non grata. But I still have to be at work. Because someone has to warm this chair up. And it would be unreasonable to allow me to have my vacation plans back because my boss just wouldn’t be able to work up to the same levels of pettiness that he is currently achieving.

I have a rawr and a sad and a burning desire to end my official letter of resignation with: “And you can take this job and MULCH it!”

Posted in rant, Real Life | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

Mind dump (because I can)

Welcome to another real life post, courtesy of my inability to contain myself.

Big, big things have been underway recently. People on Twitter may collectively yawn and bugger off if they like, since I have made disjointed updates there. Well, so can people not on Twitter, but some of this should at least be new.

The first thing is that At finally received a job offer in Utah. We weren’t certain whether or not he ought to accept it since the pay was quite a bit lower than what we were hoping for. After as much thought and discussion as we could possible fit into the small window of time we had for that process, we decided he should accept and we would just plan on him living out there with my family until I could sell the house here and move to join him.

We also reduced our asking price on the house and soon after got a call from our realtor’s office telling us that they had two showings they would like to have on Saturday. We cleaned up and cleared out for a few hours, and I ate alligator meat. (This has no bearing on the story other than to say that I tried it and thought it was rather like greasy chicken.) Yesterday morning, we got a call with an offer.

It was low so we counter-offered and waited some more. Early afternoon rolled around and we got another call. Our counter-offer was accepted and could we come down to the office to sign some preliminary paperwork?

Now, I’ve been wanting to get out of Missouri ever since I landed here several years ago. There’s really nothing I like about the area in which I live and in all my time here I’ve only made one local friend who has stayed local. The people At associated with out here never accepted me as anything other than the Whore of Babylon (because I wear pants and drink wine and don’t keep my head covered at all times) – which is fine since I have never accepted them as anything other than misogynistic nutbags.

My home has always been Utah and I have wanted nothing more than to get back there.

So it makes perfect sense that my reaction to selling the house was to cry, right? And I’m not talking tears of joy, since the whole thing is so surreal that I still haven’t accepted it as being true. I have yet to experience happiness or excitement. Sheer terror, now, that’s something I have conjured.

I have a bit of the headless chicken syndrome now, since you know, we have less than a month to pack and move and plan for all the thousands of little details that go along with that. Like THE FOOD IN THE FREEZER WHAT WILL WE DO WITH ALL THE FOOD IN THE FREEZER?

I’m totally disgruntled that there is no “guild vault” sort of option in real life. I mean, that bank is perhaps the most magical thing in all of WoW. You might be in Shattrath on ANOTHER PLANET and you can still stick in some raw meat, take a week off from doing anything, come back in some backwater giant tree with a city in its branches and yank that raw fish right out, no problems.

Try to do that in real life and even if you could still get that fish out from a totally different location it would have caused everything else you’ve ever owned and put in the bank to smell like rotten fish. I call shenanigans.

Anyhow, all of this is to say something like, “I think I’m moving 1000 miles cross-country and will need to find both a job and a place to live upon arrival. Since all my free time away from work will be spent packing, I’ll be that late-to-the-party idiot blogger two months from now saying crap like, ‘Hey guys, this xpac is pretty neat, eh?’”

I’m okay with it. I just wanted to get the news out of the way so that I can focus whatever spare bits of time I have in the coming months to talk about the game or my guild or anything other than boxes and ow! my back huuuurts and wah! winter moving is made of fail.

But just as I am about to escape the snowy climes of Northrend, I’ll be heading to the snowy climes of the Wasatch Mountains. I think I deserve a chance to snivel about the timing.

wtb time on a sunny beach, pst.

Posted in Real Life | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

In case further proof was needed

More evidence that I am super!lame:

I… I’m sick. And I was cleaning all day! Yeah. No telling what sort of fumes I might have inhaled.

If you don’t get the reference, look here.

ALSO, Zel demanded I include a link to the Bee Pit. Although if you don’t what that is by now, there’s just no hope for you.

Posted in Acts of Lameness, Screenshots | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

A plague on me!

/cough

/sniffle

At shared his plague from last week with me and real life has generally been taking over in other ways. So it’s great for me that I have another pile of link love to share. Let’s get to it!

More times when I told people what to write (and then they actually did it):

From Windsoar of Jaded alt, we have A Failed Attempt at Saying Happy Blogaversary! Now, to be clear, I don’t think it was a failure. On the contrary, I think Windsoar did a great job of taking a strange prompt and making the most of it! My continued apologies for tossing that one your way!

Next, from Apple of Azeroth Apple, we have Raiding, from a lore perspective, which is a look at how Apple’s character feels upon facing down raid bosses. I certainly never thought myself to try to see raiding from Alas’ eyes, but Apple clearly put some thought into it.

Lastly, from Ano of Mysterious Buttons, there is For Alas: Why, how and who. I’m honored to have such a lovely and poignant post dedicated to my name when it’s even more for the people that Ano gets to play with. I found myself wishing I could be a part of that guild, even if on a part time and temporary basis, because the love that exists there is nearly tangible. Mushy, I was it.

I think I still have or two prompts that were sent into the void. I’ll still be looking for those posts and sharing them if I see them!

Other Stuff

In terms of more random posts that I have liked lately, head over to Manalicious where Vid has been posting just a whole slew of good stuff, including I Am A Damage Dealer (which was a response to Tam’s also-excellent musings on the divine right of tanks ), Fostering A Sense of Teamwork For Tens and sharing recipes that are guaranteed to add some poundage to my waistline this holiday season if I can’t keep myself from breaking down and making them…

Ahem. Meanwhile, Cynwise has shared with everyone his Case Against Heirlooms, which I found very interesting. While I have been plague-stricken, I’ve been rolling a few alts on various servers just to see and explore the changes. Even without heirlooms, leveling is going wicked fast and I think between that and Cynwise’s post, I am convinced that the Worgen rogue I’ve been planning for the last year will likely be going without heirlooms at least part of the time.

Lastly, Christmas is coming and if you needed some awesome ideas for Perfect (and cheap) presents for that WoW-player in your life, check out Disciplinary Action’s fantastically clever designs and ideas. I still must obtain the Runic Healing Potion as a shirt.

Oh, and while I am on the topic of Disciplinary Action, you must go check out the comic of I, Gerald. It is brilliant and my only regret is that it will be the only I, Gerald comic because kobalds are generally difficult to work with. But maybe if enough people beg or sign a petition…

And that’s it

I just heard that our house is being shown twice tomorrow so I am going to take advantage of being home with the plague to do some cleaning. And disinfecting. Ew.

Posted in Just Links | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

No means no, dammit!

Chapter 19

The next day opened a new scene at <Longbourn>. Mr. Collins made his declaration in form. Having resolved to do it without loss of time, as his leave of absence extended only to the following Saturday, and having no feelings of diffidence to make it distressing to himself even at the moment, he set about it in a very orderly manner, with all the observances, which he supposed a regular part of the business. On finding Mrs. Bennet, Elizabeth, and one of the other guildies together, soon after dailies, he addressed the officer in these words:

“May I hope, madam, for your interest with your fair hybrid healer/dps Elizabeth, when I solicit for the honour of a private audience with her in the course of this morning?”

Before Elizabeth had time for anything but an emote of surprise, Mrs. Bennet answered instantly, “Oh dear!—yes—certainly. I am sure Lizzy will be very happy—I am sure she can have no objection. Come, Kitty, I want you for this instance.” And, gathering her plans together, she was about to leave the Vent channel, when Elizabeth called out:

“Dear madam, do not go. I beg you will not go. Mr. Collins must excuse me. He can have nothing to say to me that anybody need not hear. I am going away myself.”

“No, no, nonsense, Lizzy. I desire you to stay where you are.” And upon Elizabeth’s seeming really, with vexed and embarrassed sighs, about to escape, she added: “Lizzy, I insist upon your staying and hearing Mr. Collins.”

Elizabeth would not oppose such an injunction—and a moment’s consideration making her also sensible that it would be wisest to get it over as soon and as quietly as possible, she silenced herself again and tried to conceal, by incessant employment the feelings which were divided between distress and diversion. Mrs. Bennet and Kitty left the channel, and as soon as they were gone, Mr. Collins began.

“Believe me, my dear Miss Elizabeth, that your modesty, so far from doing you any disservice, rather adds to your other perfections. You would have been less amiable in my eyes had there not been this little unwillingness; but allow me to assure you, that I have your respected leader’s permission for this address. You can hardly doubt the purport of my discourse, however your natural delicacy may lead you to dissemble; my attentions have been too marked to be mistaken. Almost as soon as I entered the server, I singled you out as the companion of my future raiding life. But before I am run away with by my feelings on this subject, perhaps it would be advisable for me to state my reasons for recruiting—and, moreover, for coming into this server with the design of selecting a healer, as I certainly did.”

The idea of Mr. Collins, with all his solemn composure, being run away with by his feelings, made Elizabeth so near laughing, that she could not use the short pause he allowed in any attempt to stop him further, and he continued:

“My reasons for raiding are, first, that I think it a right thing for every tank in easy circumstances (like myself) to set the example of leadership in his guild; secondly, that I am convinced that it will add very greatly to my happiness; and thirdly—which perhaps I ought to have mentioned earlier, that it is the particular advice and recommendation of the very noble lady whom I have the honour of calling GM. Twice has she condescended to give me her opinion (unasked too!) on this subject; and it was but the very Saturday night before I left my server—between our pulls at ToC, while Mrs. Jenkinson was arranging Miss de Bourgh’s kill order, that she said, ‘Mr. Collins, you must recruit a dedicated healer. A tank like you must have his own healer. Choose properly, choose something other than a paladin for my sake; and for your own, let them be an active, useful sort of person, not brought up high, but able to make a small amount of guild-funded repairs go a good way. This is my advice. Find such a healer as soon as you can, bring them to our server, and I will visit them.’ Allow me, by the way, to observe, my fair Elizabeth, that I do not reckon the notice and kindness of Lady Catherine de Bourgh as among the least of the advantages in my power to offer. You will find her manners beyond anything I can describe; and your wit and vivacity, I think, must be acceptable to her, especially when tempered with the silence and respect which her rank will inevitably excite. Thus much for my general intention in favour of recruiting a healer; it remains to be told why my views were directed towards <Longbourn> instead of my own server, where I can assure you there are many amiable healers. But the fact is, that being, as I am, to inherit this guild after the loss of your honoured GM (who, however, may play many years longer), I could not satisfy myself without resolving to choose a healer from among his raiders, that the loss to them might be as little as possible, when the melancholy event takes place—which, however, as I have already said, may not be for several years. This has been my motive, and I flatter myself it will not sink me in your esteem. And now nothing remains for me but to assure you in the most animated language of the violence of my affection. To fortune I am perfectly indifferent, and shall make no demand of that nature on your GM, since I am well aware that it could not be complied with; and that one thousand gold in the four per cents, which will not be yours till after your guild disbands, is all that you may ever be entitled to. On that head, therefore, I shall be uniformly silent; and you may assure yourself that no ungenerous reproach shall ever pass my lips when we are raiding together.”

It was absolutely necessary to interrupt him now.

“You are too hasty, sir,” she cried. “You forget that I have made no answer. Let me do it without further loss of time. Accept my thanks for the compliment you are paying me. I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it is impossible for me to do otherwise than to decline them.”

“I am not now to learn,” replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, “that it is usual with raiders to reject the addresses of the tank whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second, or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the server transfer screen ere long.”

“Upon my word, sir,” cried Elizabeth, “your hope is a rather extraordinary one after my declaration. I do assure you that I am not one of those raiders (if such raiders there are) who are so daring as to risk their happiness on the chance of being asked a second time. I am perfectly serious in my refusal. You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last healer in the world who could make an effort to keep you alive. Nay, were your friend Lady Catherine to know me, I am persuaded she would find me in every respect ill qualified for the situation.”

“Were it certain that Lady Catherine would think so,” said Mr. Collins very gravely—”but I cannot imagine that her ladyship would at all disapprove of you. And you may be certain when I have the honour of seeing her again, I shall speak in the very highest terms of your gear, mana management, and other amiable qualification.”

“Indeed, Mr. Collins, all praise of me will be unnecessary. You must give me leave to judge for myself, and pay me the compliment of believing what I say. I wish you very happy and very rich, and by refusing your offer, do all in my power to prevent your being otherwise. In making me the offer, you must have satisfied the delicacy of your feelings with regard to my guild, and may take possession of <Longbourn> whenever it falls, without any self-reproach. This matter may be considered, therefore, as finally settled.” And beginning to remove her headset as she thus spoke, she would have quitted the Vent server, had Mr. Collins not thus addressed her:

“When I do myself the honour of speaking to you next on the subject, I shall hope to receive a more favourable answer than you have now given me; though I am far from accusing you of cruelty at present, because I know it to be the established custom of your type to reject a tank on the first application, and perhaps you have even now said as much to encourage my suit as would be consistent with the true delicacy of the healing character.”

“Really, Mr. Collins,” cried Elizabeth with some warmth, “you puzzle me exceedingly. If what I have hitherto said can appear to you in the form of encouragement, I know not how to express my refusal in such a way as to convince you of its being one.”

“You must give me leave to flatter myself, that your refusal of my addresses is merely words of course. My reasons for believing it are briefly these: It does not appear to me that my hand is unworthy your acceptance, or that the establishment I can offer would be any other than highly desirable. My situation in life, my connections with the guild of de Bourgh, and my relationship to your own, are circumstances highly in my favour; and you should take it into further consideration, that in spite of your manifold attractions, it is by no means certain that another offer of leet raiding may ever be made you. Your gear is unhappily so substandard that it will in all likelihood undo the effects of your loveliness and amiable qualifications. As I must therefore conclude that you are not serious in your rejection of me, I shall choose to attribute it to your wish of increasing my desire for a healer by suspense, according to the usual practice of elegant healers.”

“I do assure you, sir, that I have no pretensions whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a respectable tank. I would rather be paid the compliment of being believed sincere. I thank you again and again for the honour you have done me in your proposals, but to accept them is absolutely impossible. My feelings in every respect forbid it. Can I speak plainer? Do not consider me now as an elegant healer, intending to plague you, but as a rational creature, speaking the truth from her heart.”

“You are uniformly charming!” cried he, with an air of awkward gallantry; “and I am persuaded that when sanctioned by the express authority of both your excellent guild leaders, my proposals will not fail of being acceptable.”

To such perseverance in wilful self-deception Elizabeth would make no reply, and immediately and in silence withdrew; determined, if he persisted in considering her repeated refusals as flattering encouragement, to apply to her GM, whose negative might be uttered in such a manner as to be decisive, and whose behavior at least could not be mistaken for the affectation and coquetry of an elegant healer.

Posted in Pride and Prejudice, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Circling back around

I talked about applications a while ago, asking what people thought of them in general. I now want to go ahead and dump some text here for a critique from anyone who would be so kind. We’re still hammering things out, but I am interested to know what an outsider would think of our app. I would also be very interested to know if there are any questions we do have that we shouldn’t or should have but don’t. In short, what do you think of this from the point of view of a potential applicant? And what do you think of it from the point of view of someone trying to screen people?

Please note that parts of this are incomplete/not here because this is a first draft and references things that will be on the forums when this goes live but that are not there yet.

Intro

WWAB is a guild that puts real life first while still trying to progress in raiding 10-man raids and conquering content while it is still current. We raid three nights a week. While we will try to make raiding available to everyone who wants to participate, we have to keep in mind class balance and probability of success.

As a raider you are expected to sign up, show up, and be prepared. More details in our raid document [link]. As such, we are looking for responsible individuals who have decent control over their playtimes so they can commit to raid times in advance, and give advance notice if they can’t make it for whatever reason. While as a casual raiding guild, we do not expect people to farm the best of the best, we do expect reasonable out-of-raid effort to improve gear, obtain consumables, and research their class and the encounters.

If you are not interested in raiding, we still accept casual guild members, though there may not be as many organized activities for you.

General/Guild Questions

How did you hear about War Within A Breath (WWAB)? Do you know any current guild members?
What about WWAB do you like? Why do you think you’d be a good fit for our guild?
How long have you been playing WoW?
Please provide a history of guilds you have been in, and why you left them.
What is your main character (provide armory link)?
Do you have any alts that you would plan on bringing to the guild? How much time do you tend to work on alts versus your main?
Do you have any alts that you would plan on keeping in another guild on this server?

Raiding Questions

What is your raiding experience?
Where do you go to learn information on your class and raiding encounters?
How much of our raiding schedule [link to topic] will you be able to make with consistency?
Will any of our raiding requirements (Omen, DBM, Ventrilo, authenticator, preparation, or other requirements) be a challenge for you? If so, explain.
What is your favorite trick for adding a little extra dps/hps/tps?
Do you mind wiping on new bosses and farming for repair costs needed (WWAB does not subsidize raiding and expects that flasks, food and repair costs be provided by the raider)?

Personal Questions

Pirate or Ninja?
How old are you?
Tell us a little about yourself. What would you like us to know?
What sort of sense of humor do you have or what type of humor do you find most funny?
Which do you value more: Progression or friendship?

Posted in Leadership, Raiding | Tagged , , , , | 17 Comments

On guild requirements: When do they become unreasonable?

I had an officer stealth gquit while I was away for Thanksgiving, bringing me down to a comfortable total of three officers. The reason he cited was that he hates authenticators and we are moving to requiring authenticators for all raiders and ranks above. Casuals can do whatever they want – I’m already not going to give them bank access.

The response to this reason for gquitting has largely been incredulity. “Is that really the reason he left?” I read in an in-game mail from a guildie. “Because that’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard.”

Whether or not there was anything else motivating this officer’s decision, I don’t know. The authenticator-hating reason was the only one I was given.

It seems to me that the line this officer drew was something short of what I consider to be reasonable, but it does beg the question of what things do we all do for the good of the guild or the raid team that are considered reasonable and which are considered unreasonable?

To my way of thinking, requiring an authenticator is eminently reasonable: I have had to deal with the aftermath of hacked people and it’s not exactly fun. People with greater bank access have taken many items and while Blizzard is very good about getting those returned and fairly quickly, it’s still on me to get everything sorted out and put back where it needs to be.

I’ve also had to scramble for last-minute replacements for raider spots because someone was unable to play their account at all or their character was still stripped naked. The fact is, a hack does not occur in a vacuum and the guild and raid leaders will be affected by a hack just as surely as the hacked person is affected.

And while authenticators are not fail-proof, they do still provide an extra layer of protection and most people have them anyway. In most cases, they are also very cheap if not free. Aside from this one officer, no one I know considers them to be a burden.

Guilds are far from not having requirements of their members in other areas as well, so it’s a part of the culture that is acceptable. At which point though do the requirements become unreasonable?

We have mandatory mods, such as Omen or a boss mod.

We have mandatory VoIP requirements, such as Vent.

Those are reasonable and accepted. But authenticators have not gained that unquestioning acceptance as of yet. And what other mandatory requirements might a guild impose and which are reasonable or unreasonable?

Should raid attendance be mandatory? Activity on the guild forums? Involvement in guild activities? Contributions to the guild bank? Helping other people in the guild get geared or through a difficult group quest? Telling the GM she is the most wonderful and prettyful person ever in the whole history of everything?

At which point does something that is for the good of the guild become too much to be required? Where do you draw the lines?

Posted in Leadership | Tagged , , , , | 34 Comments

A few notes

I’m away again, enjoying Thanksgiving with my loved ones. For anyone else celebrating, I hope you have a great holiday. For those who are not, I hope you have a great work week!

Because of the nature of the things I have written about here recently, I am going to leave comment moderation turned on for the time being. I should have some limited access over the next few days to check up on things, but if you don’t see a comment show up, that’s why.

I don’t have a single thing lined up to go out while I am away. I fancy everyone will survive just fine. Enjoy the new old world! I wish I’d had more of a chance to explore things, so I am counting on interesting tidbits and pretty screen shots to see me through until I get more time.

Posted in Open Letters, Real Life | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Play our heart's lament like an unrehearsed symphony

I’ve been staring at this screen for the past many minutes, wondering how to put into words the events of last weekend and how it has affected me.

The short story is that I had that officer quit the guild early on Sunday morning. There were two messages on the forums, one to the guild and one to the officers. The one to the guild said very little other than farewell. The one to the officers said a great deal more and there is a part of me that believes it ought to have been a PM to me since ultimately it’s me that she is angry with.

Chas talked about asshole chicken recently and it is a concept that has stuck with me. I’m not saying that we were playing that particular brand, but it has felt like a game of chicken nevertheless. I’m pretty certain no one really wins at that game. But my decision to not leave WWAB and to give it one more try was ultimately me not swerving.

There has been surprisingly little fallout over this. One would think that a longtime member and an officer leaving would cause more of an uproar, but other than a few questions about the reasons for it, very little has been said. No one that I expected to stay has left and the ones I expected to leave have done so with very little fuss. I gkicked a few alts to tidy things up and business as usual has continued.

Since then, I find that I almost have two different reactions. There’s how I feel about this as the GM and there’s how I feel about this as me.

As the GM, I feel almost nothing but relief. The last several months were full of all sorts of mini-dramas in a struggle that existed between me and her. During that time, she stepped down as an officer twice only to suddenly change her mind before actually announcing it to the rest of the guild. Since we have always extended the courtesy of allowing officers who step down to announce their decision to the rest of the guild before demoting them, we were in an awkward position when she changed her mind. We finally decreed that anyone stepping down in the forums would be taken at their word and demoted in game since it’s an inappropriate way to react to things one doesn’t like.

She has also, during the past several months, blamed me as the source of all her unhappiness due to something that happened well over a year ago that any reasonable person could have gotten over. She has unfairly attacked Gnoble and Zel, on the basis of them being bloggers. She has defended her attacks based on the fact that it “felt” like I was going to “replace” people and make Zel and Gnoble officers – and this despite my being very up front that I had no intention of promoting any more officers and even if I did, Gnoble and Zel were very much not interested in being anything other than peons. A night spent chatting in vent with Rhii followed by an entirely unrelated announcement about getting rid of guaranteed spots for core raiders to achieve greater flexibility in putting together raids was branded a conspiracy on my part to offer a spot to Rhii that weekend. Never mind that Rhii brought over a mid-level shaman, not her main.

She told me that the officers had decided to keep the guaranteed positions for the raiding core until Cataclysm.

The officers decided. Odd how I still can’t recall ever turning over final decision-making about policy to them.

And while it would have been madness on my part to want to have the core designation out of the way so that I could put together raids based on utility, it was perfectly acceptable for her to all but demand that her husband be given a confirmed spot for the one weekend he could raid with us, even though he no longer qualified for the core designation due to lack of attendance. I can see where having it both ways would be nice, but… no. Just no.

What else has she done? Put an alt in another guild and started talking like this other guild was the most awesome thing since sliced bread, pushing for an alliance and growing petulant when it didn’t happen. She abandoned a raid that she was signed up for in order to go raid with this other guild, saying that she thought it was okay since we usually have so many people signed up. I guess I was supposed to believe that she didn’t notice when she changed her “accepted” status on our raid an hour before go-time that we had all of 7 people still signed up.

Through all of these things and too many others to name, I had to walk on eggshells around her. There was nothing I could say that she couldn’t find some way to twist into something else. And there was nothing I could say that she would take as me telling the truth – like that Zel and Gnoble really weren’t slated to be officers. Or that recruitment through a blog or twitter is still just recruitment.

In no time at all, our conversations were littered with her saying things like, “I don’t feel like I can approach you,” and me asking, “Why? What have I done to deserve that?” She never did tell me.

I pounded my brains out over all of these things, time and again. I was urged to fire her, to gkick her, to stop putting up with it.

But I lacked anything obviously definitive to do it over and after each infraction we would talk and she would agree to do better. I can definitely see now how well things were contained between us that if I had acted, no one would have understood and it would have led to more drama.

So I learned from this, I think, because this is the cleanest exit I could ever have hoped for from a visible and long-term member. I learned that I can out-stubborn someone who seems hell bent on making my existence miserable. I have learned that I can eventually put up enough fences that someone is either forced to accept that they can’t be entirely selfish or they can take their selfishness and leave. If they decide to be more of a team player, then great! If they leave, I don’t look like a villain forcing someone out over a petty agenda. Because every fence that was put up, everyone agreed was fair. My only “misdeed” was applying the rules equally to every member of the guild and not giving the squeaky wheel any special treatment.

So much for how I feel about this as the GM.

For me personally, I am sad, even if it doesn’t shine through all the relief that I feel due to my office suddenly becoming far less of a burden. We were friends once and I am honestly bewildered that we couldn’t work things out. And there was a part of me that simply couldn’t believe she ever would leave, so when she did it was like a punch in the gut and I spent all morning feeling as though I just might throw up.

It took longer for the GM side of me to react with that feeling of relief.

Ultimately, I think she learned to hate me somewhere along the way. Maybe that thing that happened over a year ago really was a defining moment for her. Maybe I am not empathetic enough to have ever taken her feelings as seriously as she felt I should. Maybe I gave too much weight to the relationship that existed as GM to officer and not enough to the relationship that existed as friend to friend.

And I know I will miss her. I will miss her unflagging cheerfulness and the way she could find something in any situation to laugh over. I will miss her singing the boat song, unconcerned that her little, happy voice in no way should have anything to do with fucking mermaids.

I hesitate to post this because it seems so unbalanced even to me. But again, this is how I feel and that is what happened. I don’t put it up for anyone to read and to pass judgment on either her or me. It’s done and it’s likely that we both had moments along the way that we would wish to change or take back.

This is a conclusion and farewell.

It just seems appropriate in the midst of a shattering.

Posted in Leadership, Teh Dramas | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments