Neiner, neiner!

I was minding my own damn business the other day in SW when I got a tell from a guildmate. What classes and specs and such was I looking for in regards to raiding?

See, I had made a GMotD saying that anyone wanting to raid ought to speak to Gnoble or myself so that a) we could know they wanted to raid and b) we could work them into the rotation.

Uhh, said I, in response to this tell. No mages.

And the result was that we now have two more healers (with tank and dps offspecs, as needed) ready to join our ranks. This brings our pool of potential raiders up to, uh, 19.

Granted, we’ve never had everyone sign up for a raid at once, but at a time when I see most other GM’s bemoaning another loss, I’m both befuddled and delighted that we are still expanding our ranks.

Ringing the Recruitment Bell Again

So, we’re in that nasty middle ground of roster where we have almost-but-not-quite enough warm bodies to make two 10-man teams. If you’re interested in a guild like Eff the Ineffable who seems to be going strong as we head into the depths of the summer months, feel free to drop us a line.

Our current raiding schedule is older content for gearing alts and new 85’s on Tuesdays and progression (Firelands) on Fri/Sat. All raids start at 6:30 PST and we are an Alliance side guild on Azuremyst – US. At the moment, we’re very paladin, priest and mage heavy. Do not want more, though a solid applicant will always be considered. We would very much like to know more about what warriors, warlocks and druids are like.

Moar (unrelated) neiner, neiner!

You know how sometimes we tend to compete with other people who may or may not know that we are competing against them? I know this isn’t just me because Twitter admitted they do the same thing.

Well, the guild(s) I personally compete with (in my role as GM of the Effers) are all LOSERS compared to us in terms of progression. This is limited to guilds on my own server who have persons who used to be in my old guild (yet not the old guild itself, let’s be clear on that point). HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR SHINY NEW GUILDS NOW SUCKERS? HUH HUH? DON’T EVEN HAVE T11 CLEARED I SEE. SUCK. IT.

Ahem. What? Is… is that not in the spirit of “neiner, neiner”? My bad.

Posted in Acts of Lameness, Eff the Ineffable, Raiding | Tagged , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Reprise – a guest post of sorts

Remember a million years ago when I hatched a notion to hold a contest for other people to rewrite chapters of that P&P+WoW abomination so many people are so fond of?

Yeah, well, I knew that all my entries came in around the Hunsford period of the book but I didn’t go and check which chapters I got until today. Because I’m organized. And it turns out that Chapter 29, which I butchered myself a few weeks ago, was also a submission from the lovely and talented Angelya of Revive and Rejuvenate.

I think she did a far superior job so I’m going to post it here. In a few chapters, I’ll be able to double-post another entry as my last two competitors submitted the same chapter (though I may not due to various reasons, come to think of it).

Without further ado, enjoy:

Chapter 29

Mr. Collins’s triumph, in consequence of this invitation, was complete. The power of displaying the grandeur of his GM to his wondering visitors, and of letting them see her civility towards himself and his wife, was exactly what he had wished for; and that an opportunity of doing it should be given so soon, was such an instance of Lady Catherine’s condescension, as he knew not how to admire enough.

“I confess,” said he, “that I should not have been at all surprised by her ladyship’s asking us on Sunday to spend in the evening doing a few heroics with members of <Rosings>. I rather expected, from my knowledge of her affability, that it would happen. But who could have foreseen such an attention as this? Who could have imagined that we should receive an invitation to join <Rosings> in their 25-man raid on ICC (an invitation, moreover, including the whole party) so immediately after your arrival!”

“I am the less surprised at what has happened,” replied Sir William, “from that knowledge of what the manners of the great really are, which my situation in life has allowed me to acquire. About the server, such instances of elegant breeding are not uncommon.”

Scarcely anything was talked of the whole day or next morning but their visit to ICC. Mr. Collins was carefully instructing them in what they were to expect, that the sight of such bosses, so much trash, and so splendid the loot, might not wholly overpower them.

When the ladies were about to log off for the night, he said to Elizabeth—

“Do not make yourself uneasy, my dear cousin, about your apparel. Lady Catherine is far from requiring the gearscore in us which becomes herself and her daughter. I would advise you merely to put on whatever of your gear is superior to the rest—there is no occasion for anything more. Lady Catherine will not think the worse of you for being simply dressed. She likes to have the distinction of rank preserved.”

While they were waiting for invites to the raid group, he whispered them two or three times, to recommend their being prepared and to get themselves to the instance, as Lady Catherine very much objected to be kept waiting for her raids. Such formidable accounts of her ladyship, and her manner of raid leading, quite frightened Maria Lucas who had been little used to raiding in a group larger than 10, and she looked forward to her introduction to ICC-25 with as much apprehension as Sir William had done to his presentation to Sunwell Plateau back in the day.

As the raid group formed, they had a pleasant flight of about two minutes across from Dalaran. Every raid instance has its beauty and its prospects; and Elizabeth saw much to be pleased with, though she could not be in such raptures as Mr. Collins expected the scene to inspire, and was but slightly affected by his enumeration of the dark spires at the top of the Citadel, and his relation of what the repair bills had been like before the 10% buff had been introduced.

When they zoned into the instance, Maria’s alarm was every moment increasing, and even Sir William did not sound perfectly calm on vent. Elizabeth’s courage did not fail her. She had heard nothing of Lady Catherine that spoke her awful from any extraordinary tanking talents or miraculous dps numbers, and the mere stateliness of gold or gearscore she thought she could witness without trepidation.

From the entrance-hall, of which Mr. Collins pointed out, with a rapturous air, the fine proportion and the hanging icicles, they followed the rest of the raid through an ante-chamber, to where Lady Catherine, her daughter, and Mrs. Jenkinson were waiting. Her ladyship, with great condescension, told them the guild’s vent details; and as Mrs. Collins had settled it with her husband that the office of introduction should be hers, once they were all connected to vent introductions were performed in a proper manner, without any of those apologies and thanks which he would have thought necessary.

In spite of having been to Sunwell Plateau Sir William was so completely awed by the grandeur surrounding him, that he had but just courage enough to make a very low /bow, and take his place without saying a word; and his daughter, frightened almost out of her senses, stood behind him, not knowing which way to look. Elizabeth found herself quite equal to the scene, and could observe the three toons before her composedly. Lady Catherine was a tall, large Tauren Warrior, with strongly-marked fur, carrying a large axe that might be thought as handsome. Her air was not conciliating, nor was her manner of receiving them such as to make her visitors forget their inferior rank. She was not rendered formidable by silence; but whatever she said was spoken in so authoritative a tone, as marked her self-importance, and brought Mr. Wickham immediately to Elizabeth’s mind; and from the observation of the day altogether, she believed Lady Catherine to be exactly what he represented.

When, after inspecting Lady Catherine, in whose gear and enchants she soon found to be the most expensive available, she turned her eyes on the blood elf mage played by her daughter, she could almost have joined in Maria’s astonishment at her being so undergeared. There was neither in voice nor in gear any likeness between the ladies. Miss de Bourgh’s spec was PvP-centric; her gear, though epic, was from 5-mans; and she spoke very little, except in whispers, to Mrs. Jenkinson, in whose gear there was nothing remarkable, and who was entirely engaged in listening to what she said.

After waiting a few minutes, they were all sent to Tankspot to watch the video of the first boss, Mr. Collins attending them to point out its tricky parts, and Lady Catherine kindly informing them that it was much easier since the buff had gone up to 10%.

The raid was exceedingly handsome, and there were all the bosses and all the articles of loot which Mr. Collins had promised; and, as he had likewise foretold, he took his place at the front of the raid, by her ladyship’s side, and looked as if he felt that life could furnish nothing greater. Lady Catherine tanked, and kept the mobs under control with delighted alacrity; and every pull was commended, first by Mr. Collins and then by Sir William, who was now enough recovered to echo whatever his son-in-law said, in a manner which Elizabeth wondered Lady Catherine could bear. But Lady Catherine seemed gratified by their excessive admiration, and gave most gracious thanks, especially when any mob broke free and she wrested it back under control, thereby saving the healers. The party did not supply much conversation. Elizabeth was ready to speak whenever there was an opening, but the vent conversation was dominated by Lady Catherine’s instructions. Miss de Bourgh said not a word all raid. Mrs. Jenkinson was chiefly employed in watching how little dps Miss de Bourgh did, pressing her to try some other spell rotation, and fearing she was suffering from bad latency. Maria thought speaking out of the question, and the gentlemen did nothing but fight and admire.

When the raiders returned to Dalaran, the gentlemen went off to do a random heroic, so for the ladies there was little to be done but to hear Lady Catherine talk, which she did without any intermission, delivering her opinion on every subject in so decisive a manner, as proved that she was not used to have her judgement controverted. She inquired into Charlotte’s use of addons familiarly and minutely, gave her a great deal of advice as to the management of them all; told her how everything ought to be arranged on so small a screen as hers, and instructed her as to the setup and use of Power Auras. Elizabeth found that nothing was beneath this great lady’s attention, which could furnish her with an occasion of dictating to others. In the intervals of her discourse with Mrs. Collins, she addressed a variety of questions to Maria and Elizabeth, but especially to the latter, of whose playing ability she knew the least, and who she observed to Mrs. Collins was a very focused, attentive kind of raider. She asked her, at different times, how many were in her guild, whether they had higher or lower gearscore than herself, whether any of them were likely to move to a hardcore guild, whether they were blood elves, had any of their accounts been hacked before, how many mounts her GM kept, and whether she had played during the Burning Crusade? Elizabeth felt all the impertinence of her questions but answered them very composedly. Lady Catherine then observed,

“Your guild bank is managed by Mr. Collins, is it not? For your sake,” turning to Charlotte, “I am glad of it; but otherwise I see no occasion for allowing bank management by the female guild members. It was not thought necessary in Sir Lewis de Bourgh’s guild. Do you also heal, Miss Bennet?”

“A little.”

“Oh! then—some time or other we shall be happy to have you heal for us. Our healing team is a capital one, probably superior to——You shall try it some day. Do many of your guildies also heal?”

“One of them does.”

“Why did not you all learn? You ought all to have learned. The Miss Webbs all heal, and their guild has not advanced so far in ICC as yours. Do you do jewelcrafting?”

“No, not at all.”

“What, none of you?”

“Not one.”

“That is very strange. But I suppose you had no opportunity. Your GM should have made you to do the daily every day for the benefit of practice.”

“My officers would have had no objection, but my GM hates dailies.”

“Who are your class officers?”

“We never had any class officers.”

“No class officers! How is that possible? 5/12 in ICC-10 and raiding without a class officer! I never heard of such a thing. Your other officers must have been quite slaves to your questions.”

Elizabeth could hardly help smiling as she assured her that had not been the case.

“Then, who paid for your gems? Who boosted you? Without a wealthy high-level benefactor, you must have been neglected.”

“Compared with some guilds, I believe we were; but such of us as wished to learn never wanted the means. We were always encouraged to sell things on the auction house, and had all the professions that were necessary. Those who chose to be idle, certainly might.”

“Aye, no doubt; but that is what a class officer will prevent, and if I had known your GM, I should have advised him most strenuously to engage one. I always say that damage meters cannot be topped without steady and regular instruction, and nobody but a class officer can give it. It is wonderful how many players I have helped by referring to my class officers. I am always glad to get a freshly dinged 80 well geared out. Four guildies of Mrs. Jenkinson are most delightfully situated through my means; and it was but the other day that I recommended another young person, who was merely accidentally mentioned to me, and the guild are quite delighted with her. Mrs. Collins, did I tell you of Lady Metcalf’s sending me a tell yesterday to thank me? She finds Miss Pope a treasure. ‘Lady Catherine,’ said she, ‘you have given me a treasure.’ Are any of your other guildies raiders, Miss Bennet?”

“Yes, ma’am, all.”

“All! What, all raiders at once? Very odd! And you only badge geared. The less geared ones raiding before the elder ones are geared up! Your other raiding guildies must have only just dinged 80?”

“Yes, our latest one dinged just last week. Perhaps she is full young to be much in a raid. But really, ma’am, I think it would be very hard upon new players, that they should not have their share of raiding and loot, because the elder may not have the means or inclination to raid early. The last-dinged has as good a right to a raid spot as the first. And to be kept benched on such a motive! I think it would not be very likely to promote a harmonious guild or delicacy of mind in its members.”

“Upon my word,” said her ladyship, “you give your opinion very decidedly for so green a raider. Pray, what is your gearscore?”

“With the number of times I have been to ICC now,” replied Elizabeth, smiling, “your ladyship can hardly expect me to own it.”

Lady Catherine seemed quite astonished at not receiving a direct answer; and Elizabeth suspected herself to be the first creature who had ever dared to trifle with so much dignified impertinence.

“You cannot have been there on 10-man more than three times, I am sure, therefore you need not conceal your gearscore.”

“I have barely five thousand.”

When the gentlemen had finished in Oculus and rejoined them, they all decided to form a group for VoA. Lady Catherine, Sir William, and Mr. and Mrs. Collins went through the portal; and as Miss de Bourgh also chose to join them in Wintergrasp, the two girls had the honour of assisting Mrs. Jenkinson to make up the party by asking in Trade. Their PUG ret pally was superlatively stupid. Scarcely a syllable was uttered that did not relate to the damage meters, except when Mrs. Jenkinson expressed her fears of Miss de Bourgh’s lacking a Kings buff. Lady Catherine was generally speaking—stating the mistakes of the three healers, or relating some anecdote of herself. Mr. Collins was employed in agreeing to everything her ladyship said, thanking her for every pull, and apologising if he pulled aggro. Sir William did not say much. He was storing his memory with how the noble raided.

When Lady Catherine and her daughter had played as long as they chose, the group was broken up, but not before the warrior loot was offered to Mrs. Collins, gratefully accepted and immediately enchanted. The party then gathered round in the north bank to hear Lady Catherine determine what raid the guild was to have on the morrow. Following these instructions they noticed the lateness of the hour; and with many speeches of thankfulness on Mr. Collins’s side and as many /bows on Sir William’s they logged off. As soon as she had shut down WoW, Elizabeth was called on skype by Maria Lucas to give her opinion of all that she had seen raiding with <Rosings>, which, for Charlotte’s sake, she made more favourable than it really was. But her commendation, though costing her some trouble, she knew could by no means satisfy Mr. Collins, and she was not looking forward to hearing him take her ladyship’s praise into his own hands tomorrow.

Posted in Guest posts, Pride and Prejudice, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Very brief PSA

When reading someone’s blog, you might want to recall that blogs are largely opinion pieces written by the person who owns them. Sometimes people state their opinions strongly. Just… maybe… add a mental “in my opinion” before things you read and when you disagree with what is being said maybe that will help to remind you that it’s not a personal attack.

Carry on.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Missing milestones

Today, I realized that the seventh of July passed me right on by without my doing any more to recognize it than making sure a certain bill got paid. Such is my life lately.

The seventh isn’t really all that significant in the grand scheme of things. It was just the day, four years ago, that I first got Alas to the then level cap of 70. I recall this because of all the 7’s and 0’s that go into reaching 70 on 7.7.07.

I remember being elated to finally be there, at the top. And then mildly depressed for several days after because, after all, what was there to do once you had hit 70 if you didn’t intend to raid?

My alts got a lot of play time in the following weeks and eventually I did discover raiding and the frustration of heroics. It just amuses me that past me thought the game was over at level cap and current me realizes just how much of the game doesn’t really start until then.

When did you first hit the level cap and how did it make you feel?

Posted in Leveling, Senseless Blah Blah | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

And Al’Akir makes 12/12

Yeah, Effers finished up the last raiding tier last night. I wasn’t there for Al’Akir, but I had been around for all the others. I’m a bit sad we had to mop it up post-nerf, but not much we can do about that except for try to get through Firelands before anything happens to it.

It will be interesting to see how we do there. We start Friday and it seems that most raiding guilds I would put Effers on par with are downing at least one boss their first few nights, and maybe a second, or getting close on a second.

I can honestly say I’m in no huge rush to plow through it. Guilds who cleared it all in the first week and are now working on heroics – well, in a way, I almost feel bad for them. Not that there’s no hint of jealously, but I can’t imagine having nothing new to face once they’re through the heroic mode versions until the next big content patch.

Anyhow, I imagine we’ll keep clearing older content on Tuesday nights to allow for people getting their titles and maybe finally replacing their last crappy items. Shoulders have been a sticking point for most. I also think we’ll all be ready to completely move on from that very soon and turn the whole of our raiding schedule to Firelands.

As always, no sense looking too far ahead when it comes to raiding. Lately, we’ve had even more people joining and leveling like dervishes and then bringing in friends. The freshness of new content seems to have more and more people signing up for raids more and more often. We’re at that awkward point where we have a lot of people sitting (4-6), but that’s not enough to push us to two 10 mans or one 25. And it’s certainly not consistent yet.

Overall, I’m pleased with where we sit and I’m looking forward to Friday and Saturday and hopefully kicking some ass.

Posted in Eff the Ineffable, Raiding | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Penance Envy. Do you have it?

Last night, as I was spending a bit of time on an alt, I realized something. Something important.

It all starts with a Gnomish Psychotic Psychologist, who postulated many theories related to size and class. The Gnome’s name was Fraud. One of his most popular theories is commonly known as Penance Envy.


"Azeroth is a mistake. A giant mistake." -Fraud


As the name suggests, Penance Envy is what any non-priestly, non-disco character has a chance to undergo when confronted with the fact that they themselves can never and will never have a Penance spell.

I think I have Penance Envy

My longtime holy priest is now considering two disco specs, one with SMITE and WANGS and one without. The excuse is that chakras are serious, scary business, too complex and situationally charged to make easy sense of. Penance is easy. You get it off and a little while later it is ready to go again, no questions asked and no special preparation needed.

Penance has the power to harm and the power to heal, depending on how you use it.

Naysayers will claim that Fraud’s theories are flawed, in large part to his own issues stemming from size envy. However, supporters will hasten to point out that Gnomes notoriously have greater intellect than their peers, leading one to question whether the detractors can understand these brilliant theories or not.

I understand, Dr. Fraud. I understand. My mage only wishes she had a healybuff. And wangs. And penance.

Posted in Acts of Lameness, Senseless Blah Blah | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Effers also don’t need a GM

Here I am, making another comparison between the old guild and my lovely Effers. Sources say that when I do this, it’s because I’m full of spite and seething hatred. Of course I am. I’ve just found better directions to aim all my futile rage. Like at my damn moving company. Who, in case you have somehow not heard, have contrived to lose a whole couch.

This is a couch. It is not my couch, but my couch was big like this couch.

So moving day happened a week ahead of schedule and I was without Internets and my computer for two whole days. And as I have settled back in front of my glorious dual monitors after the break, I’m reflecting on the severity of my addiction because, you guys, anyone looking at me would think I’d been marooned on a desert island for several months. It was seriously the most satisfying feeling to settle down to write this, knowing that for the next year or so I’m going to be stuck via lease in this very nice condo that now has very nice high speed Internets.

I have a point, really, it’s just so nice to be able to type this on a real keyboard that I’m taking a few minutes to, y’know, revel.

That comparison? It used to be that when At and I would go away for any length of time, we invariably came back to some form of drama or other that had sprung up while we were away. A raid didn’t happen because someone decided that they could blow everyone off if the RL/GM wasn’t there to get pissed about it. Someone was mean to someone else. So and so said something inappropriate.

"A- a- and then! They said hybrid dps was too low!"

It got to where I would dread taking a break from the game because I knew that as soon as I got back I would be bombarded with a litany of complaints and general tattle-telling.

So when my weekend off (starting to nail down condo stuff and then a night away for At’s birthday) suddenly ballooned into “I’m not really sure when I’ll be back guys!” I instinctively braced myself for The Fallout.

Through the magic of smart phones, twitter, blogs and the highly entertaining guild forums, I am confident that I need to unlearn my old instincts. A raid happened and it sounded as though a good time was had by all. The forums, as I said, are highly entertaining. Everyone seems to be in good spirits and eager for Firelands (though we do have questions regarding whether these lands of fire are safe to stand upon).

It’s confirmation to me that I am not needed as GM.

This is a great feeling. I’m not saying I’m stepping down. I’m saying that Eff the Ineffable is working. We are self-governing. We don’t need no effing referees to babysit when the GM is away. We don’t even need someone to hold everyone’s hand to get a raid going when the GM and primary RL are away.

I was talking with Oestrus today via DMs on Twitter, suggesting that she and Bossy Pally do a podcast that is leadership-centric: what works and what doesn’t (because I enjoy pointing out obvious ideas). I was thinking to myself at the time that I could probably cover the “what not to do” angle pretty well, but that I sort of flail my way through the rest of it.

But I do think we (not me, because although I am the GM, this guild’s charter was decided upon by the handful that started it with me) have done one thing very right: We have decided that our guild members are big enough people to not need officers and we have empowered them to behave as though they are all officers, doing what needs to be done and saying what needs to be said. The model can get stressful sometimes, sure, but all in all, I’d rather have those fleeting times of stress than to run myself ragged again trying to be all things to all guildies and never being able to take a break without things crumbling in my absence.

Posted in Eff the Ineffable, Leadership, Real Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Surreptitious micro posting from the phone at work

Firstly, my website has been hacked, y’all! There are new quotes from my effing funny Effers over thataway —> and I had nothing to do with putting them there! I suspect that Team Heal is behind the hack, because Zel has my admin password. Just call me Nancy Drew.

Secondly, the move is well underway. Despite missing a whole couch (which I still don’t understand) and all my dishes, things are moving along fairly well. We should have Internet access again tonight, and I’m hoping to work up some Real Content and perhaps download the new patch and swear at addons and maybe even have half a clue what is going on in my own guild.

Thirdly, I’d like to have a chance to be online long enough to exercise the one guild leader perk that does exist: Getting to deal with outsider’s complaints about people in my guild. This really is a perk. I get to be a completely snide bitch to some random dick who thinks I give half a damn that a guild mate of mine reported him for said dickery. It’s an argument without consequences so long as I am careful not to lose my temper.

Lastly, work is da poop! That is all.

Posted in Acts of Lameness, Eff the Ineffable, Leadership | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Poetry Monday, now with less haiku and more rage

Today’s poetry Monday abandons the haiku and goes out to Syl, who said I ought to try a limerick:

There once was a guild on Azuremyst
Whose GM’s perpetually pissed
The movers she would kill!
And where she’d stick their bill!
Alas, she is stuck shaking her fist!

Real Life continues to kick our asses, this time in the form of movers who decided that “we would like to schedule our things to be delivered” to mean “why don’t you load our things on a truck and haul them out here, only waiting until 24 hours beforehand to let us know and then say if we won’t take it you will charge us out the wazoo, thus forcing us into a scramble to take early possession and have to take time off work to deal with this crap.”

The good news is that we’ll get our stuff and I can finally find out once and for all how much is missing or broken and how much is not. The bad news is that Illidan’s Moving Company’s slogan (You are not prepared!) is starting to make a horrid sort of sense.

Posted in Acts of Lameness, rant, Real Life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Spilling over

Anyone following me on Twitter and paying the slightest attention yesterday will want to skip this and yawn and ignore the reprise. Hey, I’m still happy and not much can spoil my mood!

Anyhow, the first bits of good news were that I had two interviews yesterday. One was scheduled for the morning and one for the afternoon. The morning one was up at a local university. Where I have been like twice before. And it is really quite large.

I drove myself in since I wasn’t certain how close the train could get me and everything was going just fine until it came time to park. I drove up and down a half mile long parking lot (this is no exaggeration of length), vainly looking for visitor parking. Every sign I saw indicated one would need a permit and if one did not have a permit, one would be towed.

I finally decided to risk it since I’ve never known any university parking enforcement to be super up on things. I had to park most of the half mile back, away from the doors. So I got out and walked as sedately as I could. My suit was black and the day was warm and I didn’t want to arrive a sweaty mess.

Got most of the way to the entrance and only then saw a sign indicating Visitor’s Parking, thataway. The sign was halfway down a short, steep hill  and not very large or well lettered. So of course I didn’t see it from the car. At first, I was going to brazen the whole parking thing out. But then I remembered that I had left my phone in my purse and my purse was in the trunk. And my paranoia kicked in.

Self, I thought, what if these parking police are really up on their stuff? What if you went in and interviewed and came out only to find no car and no way to call anyone in a blind panic? That would be your sort of luck, you know.

So I turned around. And began walking much more briskly, already knowing that I was going to be late. I even broke into a trot several times, undoing any efforts I had made to arrive in a non-sweaty and timely fashion.

My mind ran through a litany of: “At least you don’t really want this job.” And alternating in there was a chorus of: “Fuckfuckfuck.”

I finally reach my car and drive back towards the building for the millionth time. As I passed the workers who were busy mowing down weeds, I wanted to duck my head in shame. They kept looking at me as I passed, before in the car and then on foot, twice (once trotting), and now again in a car.

I took the hidden left and then the sudden right and began to wonder if there was ever going to be another sign indicating visitors might park somewhere. Then I hit a spot of road construction and had to wait to be able to move again. I was very pointedly not looking at any clocks at this point.

I finally found the parking structure and was admitted in. I parked hastily and jumped out of the car again and headed into the building. Which was actually two buildings and each one with a very similar name. I picked one and wandered through the very long halls in search of an elevator.

Then there was more confusion. My instuctions on how to find the correct office went like this: “Get off the elevator on the fifth floor. Then take a left and then another left and you’ll see a reception area and then take one more left and my office will be right there. On the left.”

Which all sounds great and fine until you realize that in this bank of elevators, there are some on opposite sides of each other. So it sort of really depends which side you come up on to determine whether or not that “left” thing is accurate. Mine was not the correct side.

So now I’m wandering through more hallways and thinking: Self, you don’t even want this job. You’re who knows how late. You cannot find this man’s office. Maybe you should just leave. Just… slink out in shame and go to work. After all, you have that other interview for the job you do want later today.

And then I found his office so I swallowed all of that and apologized for being late before he had a chance to say anything.

As it turned out, they didn’t have their shit together either. And I was able to explain that I had some trouble with the parking, which they accepted easily. Things from there went very smoothly and when I was walked back out, I was actually told that I was their first candidate and that they really liked how I had looked on paper and that I also interviewed very well.

I don’t think they’re supposed to tell people things like that.

The rest of the day went by without much more from me that can be turned into a tale of woe. I went to work, was annoyed by Kooky and found out that we were approved for the condo and will finally have a place big enough to fit all of our possessions that have been in storage for the past 6 months. I spent the rest of the afternoon basking in thoughts about getting a bed – a real bed – again. And my summer wardrobe will be here in time for the hottest part of the year. And I will have more dress shoes. And I can finally know for certain whether or not any of my dishes got broken. And, you guys, my spice cabinet will be restored!

That good mood carried me through interview number two, where I was informed that for the most part I had a lot of what they wanted and needed, but since I don’t have any accounting in my background, they’ll have to consider that. It’s the only negative on a list of a number of positives, the strongest of which are that I impressed on them that I am very organized, a quick study and self motivated. I should hear something by Monday.

Of course, what I didn’t tell them was that I organize everything because if I don’t know exactly what is going on, I tend to wander around parking lots, looking lost and confused, hoping no one sees me.

That being said, I have no idea why I’m telling all of you how derpy I am.

Posted in Acts of Lameness, Real Life | Tagged , , | 4 Comments