Be surly. Everyone seems to think that mages are all about rainbows and unicorns and smiles. Disabuse everyone you can of this notion. We are not around for everyone to lean on for food and drinks, no sir. We are around to kick some ass and take some names.
Stand waaaaaay in the back. This is not because we are afraid of getting hit by the mobs. We just don’t want all those idiotic huntards who are supposed to be helping us out instead sticking us with arrows and then doing a /lol /friendlyfire /lol routine.
Make several macros. Unless you’re short on space if you have a crappy bar mod. Then simply putting together a one-shot response to all the inane questions you get should go something like this: “/r No, I will not give you food/water/a portal/Focus Magic. I might, however, let you pay me 10g for it.” If you have the space, I recommend getting a bit more specific. Make replies such as: “If you’re going to ask for a portal it would really be super helpful to tell me both where the hell you are and how much you’re willing to pay.” Or: “I am not a goddamn vending machine.” Note that this will also help you be more surly.
Avoid ever speccing frost. Your dps will blow, people will make fun of you and, honestly, the warlocks and hunters should be taking care of mana replenishment in raids. You have better stuff to do, like own the damage meters.
Assure people that you’ll give them levitate slow fall (holy crap, I’m a nub!) before taking a falling shortcut off a cliff or building. Fail to do so and then blame it on the fact that you don’t have any light feathers. If they ask you about the minor glyph that takes away the need to use a reagent tell them you have better things to do with your minor glyphs. You don’t, of course. But they won’t know that because their mage is probably a level 2 bank toon.
If you’re raiding and your tank and healers are holding up the show, give things a gentle nudge in the right direction. I like to do this by going invisible, walking into a pack of trash and doing a frost nova/blink combo back towards the raid party. If no one reacts quickly enough to pull the mobs off you, you always have ice block! Everyone you play with, especially other clothies, will be amused at your antics.
- Other players will sometimes get a little cranky about their health and mana bars, especially in scenarios like the one I described above. A good thing to keep ready to come back with is reminding them that you have provided them with all the health and mana refills they could possibly need. After all, it’s not your fault they run out every other fight.
Get good at sheeping. Get even better at chain sheeping. A fun way to practice is to duel a warrior. You might also want to make a macro for when you sheep since 9 out of every 10 players are too stupid to pay attention to the fact that one of the mobs just got all white and woolly. I suggest threats be used for this macro. I have found “Break my sheep and I’ll break your face,” to be fairly effective. You might also threaten to withhold buffs, food and portals. Have fun! Be creative!
Fortunately, I have been able to confine this insanity to my main. The very thought of trying to do it all on all my toons – or even just my 80′s – makes me all twitchy. But the insanity has driven me to do lots of things I normally would not do. Like PvP. And Mauradon. And farming those goddamn seasonal bosses for their drops. And fishing. And cooking. And coughing up roughly a bajillion pieces of cloth (even though I have three tailors) to someday finishing cranking out 500 heavy bandaids.
Let’s not even get started in on why I have three tailors.
Anyhow, I do have a lot of achievement points. I am closing in on 6000 as of this writing (I like to round up, yo). And there’s this tiny little part of me – the part that really stinking loves titles – that wants to get the Insane achievement done. So far, I am resisting mightily, helped in part by my OCD and the fact that I have an even 20 titles right now and a hard enough time trying to pick which one to display.
Which title is your favorite? And wouldn’t it be ridiculous if I could display all of mine?
Ambassador, Brewmaster, Chef, Elder, Flame Warden, Loremaster, Matron, Merrymaker Alas, Champion of the Frozen Wastes, Champion of the Naaru, Guardian of Cenarius, Jenkins, the Explorer, the Hallowed, the Love Fool, the Noble, the Seeker, of the Exodar, of Stormwind.
I have terrible eye-hand coordination
I tend to get in the way of the other player(s)
My head might still be bruised from that one time I took a racket to the head about three years ago
I may or may not have pulled a muscle whilst flailing wildly at the ball
I definitely managed to hit my own arm and skin my wrist
I fell down for no discernible reason
It’s only a matter of time before I face-plant into the wall and/or floor
- I’d much rather sing in those large, echo-y rooms (despite my inability to carry a tune)
I am terribly competitive with a need to win and I can’t do that when I fail so badly at nearly all aspects of the game, thus:
It makes me cranky
- All that flailing and running and getting back up after falling down will probably help me find my waistline.
Sometimes I think that I should strike out on my own as a guild leader.
Don’t get me wrong, being co-GM is nice. Nicer still is that I share the title with my husband and he freely admits he is a figurehead so I am pretty much free to do what I want. My biggest problem is actually that I have been an officer, a raid leader, a simple raider with no responsibilities, thank you very much and good day, Sir, and then an officer again. This was all within a period of about six months, which makes it worse.
But the truth is, despite the last half year of dramatic ups and downs with regard to what role I wanted to fill in the guild, I pretty much want the same thing I have always wanted. And that is for people to understand that I am always right and they should just shut up and do what I say.
I don’t want to be mired down in this committee activity of rewriting our raiding rules yet again and finding myself having to defend my points to the officers and the figurehead GM. I would much prefer to be able to say, “These are the rules and if you don’t like them you can leave.”
I feel this way despite knowing that the feedback I am getting is important as it helps me to shape my ideas and explain exactly why I think what I think. And for every victory I get in carrying through my points I also get immense satisfaction.
But my impatience often gets the best of me and I don’t want to wait for the refined and finished product. I want to go in like the mage I am, silencing my opponents by turning them into barnyard animals and then roasting the hell out of them.
Is that so wrong?
One of the things I want to do some time before I die is to write and publish a novel (or, you know, many wildly successful novels). I’ve actually finished a few but aside from one query letter, I made no moves to try to get either of them published.
The first was something I wrote back when I was about 15-16 years old. It was terrible. Terribly formulaic. I am ashamed to this day that I let anyone else read it.
The second book was written more recently, something like three years ago. It was one part an experiment to see whether I could, in fact, finish something on the scale of a full-sized novel. It was also terribly arrogant of me to write it. Why? Well, I went into it with the thought that surely I would have no problem getting something published if I wrote for the Christian market. I arrived at this conclusion after a lifetime of reading bad Christian novels. The cherry on that Sunday was a book by a more successful Christian author that was set during the Revolutionary War. Within the first chapter I walked away in disgust. Who greenlighted a period novel and then let whole paragraphs about dating and being happy to see one’s boyfriend slip by? I’m still appalled.
“I could write any old piece of crap,” thought I. “If only I dress it up a bit in Christian colors, it’ll still be better than 90% of what is already out there.”
Ugh. I was such a jackass.
Since that, I’ve started and stopped a half dozen projects. I more or less abandoned the first blog I had and went from posting nearly every day to posting about once a month. Another series of blogs centering around WoW (something I played heavily while not writing) were started and stopped within a few weeks. I did manage to write a decent amount of a WoW-centric fanfiction during that time, but that’s about it.
Maybe it’s because my interest in WoW is waning. Maybe it’s because of recent personal events that have re-awoken areas of my life that had been dead. Maybe it’s because I’ve recently had the experience of reading stuffchristianslike.net from start to finish and was challenged and humbled and inspired nearly every post of the way. Maybe it’s because I recently discovered Brandon Sanderson and was blown away by his books. Maybe it’s a combination of everything I just mentioned. Whatever the reasons, I find myself wanting to write again.
Unfortunately, all my ideas are very rough. I have no idea what to write. But I’m working on it and that’s a pretty good feeling.
Not me so much. But the fact that I have created this place for me to come and write about whatever occurs to me with some degree of anonymity and yet I have already spent all this time and effort in trying to make sure that if anyone does come this way it’s nice and easy for them to get my updates. Because, clearly, there are going to be tens of tens of people wanting to hear whatever random crap I write down here.
And yet, if this was meant to be solely for me and my own edification, why put it out where anyone, even my mom who has no idea how to find these blog thingies that all the kids are talking about, could come across it? First of all, I don’t think that will happen. My mom, your mom, my husband’s mom. No one would have any reason to come here, unless I tag myself up with certain keywords. You know the ones I am talking about. And then I hope no one’s mom is the one coming here because that would just be awkward.
I have come to learn the value of the wonderful communities that can be had online. And that’s really the only reason to put anything out here to be seen by anyone who might stumble upon it and think, wow, this person, this Alas, is pretty lame/weird/interesting/jerky (pick one). The whole beauty is that no one here will have pre-conceived notions of who I am and what I am about. It won’t shock a single person if I should come out and say I love kicking puppies. I don’t, by the way. But in this space, this blank canvas, it would not matter if I did. I also won’t have my in-laws all crawling down my virtual throat because they know where my blog is. That alone is awesome enough to make me want to just come and toss my thoughts out here, whatever they might be.
Anyway, that is why I am here. Who knows what will come next? I don’t, but for my own sake and for the purpose of my own being able to look backwards and remember where I have been, I’m probably going to keep talking like I do have an audience and will likely attempt to entertain that imaginary body of people.